Sunday, April 30, 2006

Screen Queen-Some of what I'm watching this Month

Happy Endings
SONY PICTURES HOME ENT. UK
Starring:Lisa Kudrow Steve Coogan Jesse Bradford Maggie Gyllenhaal Tom Arnold Jason Ritter Laura Dern David Sutcliffe Bobby Cannavale
Director:Don Roos
This comedic drama from writer-director Don Roos ('The Opposite Of Sex') comes packed with many unusual themes including abortion, homosexual parenting, teenage pregnancy, marrying for green cards, and the unscrupulous practice of bringing a client to orgasm at the conclusion of a massage.
My Thoughts
Lisa Kudrow The star of this unfortunate mess is most of the problem, her thoroughly un-likeable character leaves you totally indifferent to weather she has a happy ending or not. The excellent Maggie Gyllenhaal is wasted in a two dimensional gold digger part and the excellent Jason Ritter is used to little effect either. Whilst praise was heaped on Steve Coogan,when this film opened this years London Gay and lesbian Film festival. I found his portrayal of a gay man irritating. In fact I just found the whole thing dull clichéd and the end of the film found me far from happy!
** Stars

Flightplan (2005) DVD
Starring:Jodie Foster Peter Sarsgaard Sean Bean Kate Beahan Michael Irby Assaf Cohen Erika Christensen Shane Edelman Mary Gallagher Haley Ramm Forrest Landis
Director: Robert Schwentke
After 2002's Panic Room, Jodie Foster took a three year break before deciding to take another leading role in a major motion picture. Three years is a lifetime in Hollywood, but Foster is one of the few stars who can afford to take such a lengthy hiatus from the industry and still command major roles on her return.
My Thoughts
Well Jodie certainly wasn’t having surgery during her 3 yr absence ands Flightplan sees a haggard and pinched looking Foster in a somewhat implausible re working of The Lady Vanishes, only this time its on a plane and its her daughter who goes missing while everyone else just assumes its her marbles she’s missing. Veering between thriller and action movie this film just ended up being not very good at either. See you in another 3 years Jodie!
** Stars

Lucky Number Slevin (2006)

Starring:Bruce Willis Josh Hartnett Morgan Freeman Ben Kingsley Lucy Liu Stanley Tucci Rick Bramucci Kevin Chamberlin Oliver Davis Victorio Fodor Sam Jaeger Dorian Missick Shira Leigh Janet Lane
Director:Paul McGuigan
Bruce Willis and Morgan Freeman co-star in this drama about mobsters and the unwitting victim (Josh Hartnett) who winds up in the middle of a murder scheme. This film was originally screened at Sundance.
My Thoughts
Implausible but very slickly made thriller sees Josh Hartnett thrown into the seedy world of gangsters but is he as innocent as he appears. Bruce Willis for once underplaying is effective and Lucy Liu as the love interest make for a pretty good cast, the only slight annoyance is the somewhat clichéd caricature of a Jewish accent trotted out by Ben (sorry Sir Ben as he insists on being addressed and rather pompously billed) Kingsley. As is so often the case the director has assumed a slick script and plot make up for un-likeable characters and Josh Hartnett’s character just comes across as smug. That aside, it was nice to see Stanley Tucci in a great cameo role. Shame he doesn’t photograph better. I was lucky enough to be sitting a few feet from him in Hollywood once and I can tell you he is much more handsome in the flesh. All in all, a slick but not particularly likeable film.
** Stars
-------------------------------------------------------------------
* Star-Complete turkey
** Stars-Yawn! bit of a dud
*** Stars-Not bad, but no masterpiece
**** Stars-Definately worth watching
***** Stars-An instant classic

More Rank & Bile

Friday, April 28, 2006

Mariah Madness - Miss Scarey Strikes Again


Graham Norton today revealed more of the madness that is Mariah Carey! During a recent interview with Miss Scarey, Graham revealed, an assistantwho is employed just to hold her drink was on standby to ensure she never got thirsty. Not only did the assistant hold the drink between Mariah slurping but during, as apparently, Miss Scarey is too weak or lazy to hold her own cup! (Female First)

Well I guess its par for the course it wasn’t so long ago that another television host revealed that during an interview with mad Mariah she had an employee on standby whose only job was to take her gum when she had finished with it!

Further un-confirmed reports claim Mariah once employed someone to keep her skirts from touching the floor and another assistant to carry her when she was too tired to walk but what can you expect from a woman who has her people phone ahead to warn that “Maria doesn’t do stairs”!

Maybe if Mariah did do stairs, cup holding, walking and stairs occasionally her weight might not keep ballooning!

More Rank & Bile

This Months Must Have CD - Courtesy of You Tube

Meryl Wears Prada

I’m not entirely sure the casting of Meryl Streep is quite right but I’m definitely looking forward to the film version of The Devil Wears Prada, Lauren Weisberger’s comic novel based on her time as an assistant to Anna (nuclear) Wintour, the fur hag editor of Vogue, Anna is reported to be furious that the book has made it to the screen and saw to it that many fashion folk refused to help with the film for fear of incurring her wrath. So much so, that the film makers had to ensure the film version of Anna bore no resemblance to real life Anna for fear the Fashion Maven would sue the ass off them.


Hardly surprising Ms Wintour is pissed, the book portrayed her as a megalomaniac bordering on psychotic and presumably not only will the film be just as unflattering it will also reach a much wider audience.





Well! Meryl might not be obvious casting but my god she looks good! It seems only a short while ago when she was looking decidedly dog eared and podgy and now we see her sleek, thin and with great hair and only one chin again. Welcome back Meryl!

Click below to see more

More Rank & Bile

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Ken Turn the Lights Out!

Recently my electricity supplier sent me a useful if thoroughly boring leaflet on how to save energy, this included such gripping suggestions as turning my heating down by a few degrees, not using the standby switch on my TV,not boiling a full kettle of water for one cup of tea and switching off lights etc etc. Now this is all very worthy stuff and as Vanity Fair urges us this month to go green I thought I should start doing my bit to cut emmissions and conserve energy.

So first things first I flip off the un-needed lights....thats odd the room is still light. Why? Well as I look out of the window I see the Gherkin, The Nat West Tower and several other city landmarks and it strikes me, it's 10pm and every bloody light is on in every bloody building! Now maybe I'm wrong but surely turning every light off in london after the workers go home is going to save just a little bit more energy than me only boiling half a kettle!


I know Londons skyline is real purtty after dark but isnt it time we put the enviroment first? Maybe Ken livingstomne would like to start by fining companies that leave their lights on all night? Not only could we conserve a lot of energy but we might actually stop the birds in my area singing at 2am because the light polllution is so bad it doesnt ever get properly dark!

Happy Birthday Barbra Streisand?



Poor old Babs Streisand obviously isn’t taking her birthday too well, the tantrum fuelled old Diva hit 64 a few days ago and if recent reports are to be believed it’s not put her in the best of moods.



Firstly she hit out at writer Christopher Anderson author of unofficial biography The way She Is, claiming the book…” is about no one I know.” I can t really blame Barbra I’m in the middle of this book and I have to say, its certainly not flattering in fact Barbra makes Saddam Hussein seem like Mother Theresa, if the book is to be believed.
Having just finished tearing Mr Anderson of a strip on her website, Barbara let rip at a fan next.

The fan in question was a sales rep at L.A.'s Pacific Design Centre, (CityRag) who had the audacity to tell La Streisand. "Omigod! You're my favourite all-time star. I have every movie you've ever made — and every recording! But, honey... those stretch-pants of yours are an absolute no-no!" as you can imagine after a week where she turned 64, a nasty old biography hit the best seller list and Liza Minnelli dubs her 3rd in the biggest Gay icon stakes after Cher and Liza, La Streisand was in no mood for fashion tips and screeched back at the startled fan "How dare you! Who are you to comment about what I wear?"

A case of birthday blues? Or is Babs just trying to up her gay Icon rating by indulging in Diva like antics. Either way probably best not to attack your gay fans especially one who has… “every movie you've ever made — and every recording!” Babs should count herself lucky the retail queen stopped with the stretch pants and didnt even get started on those awful off the shoulder sweaters she's so fond of!

More Rank & Bile

Sunday, April 23, 2006

You Were Never Fuglier - Brooke Shields

This regular part of my blog is just a poor excuse to post my favourite funny/awful pictures of celebrities at their worst! Some are new and some are old favourites....enjoy!

Hmmm Pregnancy is supposed to make you radiant and glowing? This recent picture shows Brooke Shileds is the exception! Its bad enough she saddled her new baby with the name Grier Hammond Henchy but the poor thing will also have to look at that scary face peering over the side of its crib. First thing Brooke needs to do is explain that she's Mummy not Daddy!

More Rank & Bile

Freddie Ljungberg

The I Definately Would - Hunk of The Month


Yet another flimsy excuse to post pictures of my favourite totty!

Well I have no confess I know nothing about footballers but if they all look as good as this Months Attitude cover boy Freddie, I think I could definately learn to like football.






Whilst freddie has been wowing on the pitch for some time the first most of us non football fans noticed of him was his first Ad for Calvin Klein and what an Ad it was! Woof!

Since then even those of us completely baffled by the off side rule at least know that Freddie is the hottest thing in football and it seems Attitudes readers agree, voting him No1 Hunk in football, this month.







Freddie apparently plays for the aptly named Arsenal, any more like that in the team and we may have to get a season ticket!


See Freddie in some naked man on man action with a fan!

More Rank & Bile

Drama Queen- This Month's Theatre

So on Thurs off to see Ernesto Tomasini’s one man show THE VEILED SCREEN(A Secret History of Hollywood!) This clever piece portrayed the history of queer cinema from Allah Nazzimova’s, all gay, silent, production of Salome right up to last years Oscar winner Brokeback Mountain. In between, touching on, 40’s musicals, Doris Day Comedies, Horror and exploitation Films. Although it was undoubtedly a clever piece of theatre it was difficult to appreciate the show when you are sat in an audience of only 7 with the star and only performer less than 3 feet away! Even worse for my friend Michael who was dragged on stage to play a victim in the psycho pastiche, at one point I thought he might actually die but from embarrassment rather that at the hands of Norman Bates! With a bigger venue and more importantly a bigger audience I’m sure Mr Tomasini’s show would have been a triumph but when performed in the laps of an audience of 7 it doesn’t really work.

Find out more about Ernesto here

More Rank & Bile

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Hide the Mars Bars!

So yesterday I popped along to my usual clinic to have a little more Clostridium botulinum bacterium shot into my face .....thats BOTOX® to you people. What!? You think I look this good naturally?!
I used to use a fabulous man in Harley St, who also worked on a couple of minor Royals and two pretty well known Australian singing sisters, but he was always so fully booked you couldnt get in, so I switched. I was beginning to think my current clinic was completely celebrity free till yesterday I spied a certain older 60's rock chick on her way in, although having had a good look at her Im not sure if she hasnt put me off BOTOX® for life!

More Rank & Bile

Friday, April 21, 2006

George Michael Blames Elton for all His Woes!

George Michael seems to be having a lot of bother with the boys in blue again lately. First George no stranger to trouble with the Police was found slumped in his car on a busy road near Hyde Park in London, he was said to be dazed and confused then last week he apparently shunted his car into several other parked cars near his home in Highgate.
What is George’s explanation for recent events, Temporary Insanity, Illness, Stress?


No, apparently George, on this weeks Parkinson show, blames all his troubles on Elton John!
Hmm time to check out of denial hotel George and admit that most of the crap going on in your life is because you spend 24/7 stoned out of your brain on skunk these days. Maybe if you laid off the weed your driving might get a bit better? Let’s face it the only thing Elton is guilty of is a complete lack of taste in clothes and hairpieces!

More Rank & Bile

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Whitney in Re-Hab

According to reports It looks like Whitney Houston has finally seen sense and booked into rehab and that, a planned mass intervention by concerned friends and relatives Including Dionne Warwick, Cissy Houston, Chaka Khan and Aretha Franklin wasn’t necessary. (Pop Bytes)




Much as I like a good bit of gossip, I dont need to be seeing pictures of Whitneys drug strewn bathroom in my morning paper! apparently Whitney checked in without even telling her husband after the revelations in last weeks National Enquirer and Sun Newspaper.

I’m glad for her and hope she pulls it together if only for the sake of her (14 yr old) daughter. Who might stop posing for pictures like this if Mommy gets better!

More Rank & Bile

Tomkitten Suri Has Landed/Arrived

Poor old Brooke Shields she goes on TV to talk about post natal depression only to have Tom Cruise steal her thunder by criticising her in public, then she joyously announces the birth of her second child, the somewhat strangely named Grier Hammond Henchy. Only to have Mr Cruise steal her thunder again with the arrival of TomKitten!

Tomkat as Tom and Katie have been dubbed by the US press gave birth to the TomKitten yesterday and the news was broken by People Magazine. Lets hope Katie gets to keep the Baby as US Tabloid The star seem pretty certain Tom will snatch the baby as soon as it arrives. (shades of jacko there?)


Well I’m just glad it’s all
over and I won’t have to see another picture of Katie with a bowling ball strapped to her stomach! What was she carrying in there for goodness sake, the alien baby and the mother ship? Nor will I have to read any more nonsense about Tom eating the placenta and weird scientology birthing procedures ewwww.

I guess we have about a weeks breathing space before the baby pictures start, after all Tom is now a proud biological father so he must be straight……yeah right!

More Rank & Bile

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Paris Hilton Ad - That's Hot


Well much as I hate Parasite Hilton, I have to admit (shock horror!) the ads for her new perfume, that are currently plastered all over the UK, make her look pretty darned good! Who knew she could actually look kinda pretty as opposed to just totally slutty!







...... Obviously putting your name to a scent doesnt pay that well though, as it appears the poor little rich girl is forced to share clothes with her sister


As always click for larger images

More Rank & Bile

Culture Queen-The National Portrait Gallery Exhibitions

So off to the National Portrait Gallery today, where they are currently celebrating their 150th anniversary, to see two exhibitions.

Icons and Idols

Which explores the gallery’s commissioned works over the last 25 years. Since 1980 The Gallery has commissioned 130 works in hugely differing styles, mediums and subjects and this exhibition shows the vision and diversity of the Gallery and makes you understand why The NPG is one of London’s greatest treasures. The exhibition features work by artists including David Hockney and R.B Kitaj and offers a variety of sitters from the more formal portraits of Politicians and Royalty to a film installation of David Beckham. This truly is an eclectic mix and testament to the Gallery’s ongoing efforts to capture the great and the good of this country for posterity whilst championing some of our great talents at the same time.


Andy Warhol – 10 Portraits of Jews of the 20th Century


Warhol first exhibited this collection in 1980, at that time the title caused some controversy and will probably do so again. The 10 portraits in question Sarah Bernhardt, Louis Brandeis, the first Jewish judge to be appointed to the Supreme Court of the United States; Martin Buber; Albert Einstein, Sigmund Freud, the Marx Brothers, Golda Meir, George Gershwin, Franz Kafka and Gertrude Stein are a strange mix of over achievers across numerous fields whose only link is that they were all Jewish and by 1980 also deceased. There's a feeling of déjà vu seeing these pictures, some of which as stock photographs, are instantly recognisable, but given a new lease of life with vibrant colours, they become recognisable but also very new and fresh. As to what Warhol was trying to say it appears people were at a loss in 1980 and none the wiser now. I do wonder though if the exhibition would have been half as controversial if Warhol had titled and populated it with 10 portraits of Catholics or Christians? Probably not and that may have been exactly what he intended.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

You Were Never Fuglier - Lisa Kudrow

This regular part of my blog is just a poor excuse to post my favourite funny/awful pictures of celebrities at their worst! Some are new and some are old favourites....enjoy!


Lisa’s show The Comeback got axed. Could it be anything to do with the fact, as this recent picture shows, she now looks like a séance is required rather than a comeback? Sort it out Lisa or there's not going to be any more comebacks for you!

More Rank & Bile

Old Queen From Windsor Celebrates Birthday

So this week sees two old Queens both (originally) from Windsor celebrating their birthdays. One, is the internationally acclaimed author of the blog, Rank and Bile, the other doesn’t really have a proper job.


Their lives are very different, whilst one travels in style the other gets the tube, whilst one gossips with the girls the other never would. When it comes to decorum only one of them has perfect manners in public and while one tends to look glum all the time the other is a bit of a giggler!


As, year in year out, one of the Queens from Windsor is always overshadowed by the other, I thought it might be nice to post a birthday message for her so she is not eclipsed again this year.

So Happy Birthday Queen Elizabeth!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Which Is The Real Christina Aguilera?




Hmmmm whats with the gaping mouth in every picture lately Christina? Or did we miss something, has someone exchanged Christina for a blow up doll while we werent looking?















More Rank & Bile

Kylie's Back


Two really great performers (and personal favourites of mine) have been touched by cancer recently. Whilst Kylie Minogue released pictures on her website yesterday Kylie.com of her new cropped hair, (post Chemo) which show she is well on the way to recovery. She looks great and is obviously very happy.












Sadly in The US, June Pointer, the youngest of the US group The Pointer Sisters, lost her battle with cancer at the age of only 52. BBCNews Obituary.

The 20th London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival

My friend Glyn and I went to see the film Boy Culture on the last night of the LLGFF (London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival) more about the film in a moment but firstly a little about this years Festival.
Maybe it’s a sign of old age but I find it increasingly difficult to excuse poor service and bad organization just because it happens to be for a “good cause” I’ve always supported the festival and this year marks its 20th anniversary which is a great achievement…. But I this years line up of films was pretty weak and much as I like films like Auntie Mame, (1958) Johnny Guitar (1954) and Calamity Jane (1953) I’m not sure they belong at the festival, in all there were over a dozen old pictures being shown along with screenings of contemporary films which have already received a mainstream releases or were a few years old.

It would have been far better to screen the newer works more times, than “pad out” the festival with old chestnuts like these. I also get increasingly frustrated with their website which makes booking difficult and the fact that many of the most popular films sell out too quickly but when you get there you find many of the tickets were complimentary and people don’t show up. Last night I attended a “sell out” performance and had six empty seats next to me. My friend who accompanied me last night admitted he had attended several complimentary screenings and not sat through the entire film for any of them, meanwhile people wanting to attend (and pay) are turned away.
Surely the idea is to bring new works to as wide an audience as possible? Let’s hope next years festival addresses these issues.
Ok Gripe over, onto the film…..

Boy Culture
Directed by:Q Allan Brocka
With:Patrick Bauchan, Derek Magyar, Darryl Stephens
Country:USA
Year of Production:2006
Running Time:85 minutes

This is gay life as it is so often stereotyped, but cut through with real heart, intelligence and emotional integrity. Boy Culture turns you on, makes you think about your own relationships and leaves you with a smile on your face.

My Thoughts
I really like this film it had a tightly crafted funny script that with the exception of about 10 minutes in the middle kept up a cracking pace without trivialising the characters or glossing over the situations. The cast especially Derek Magyar as X were exceptionally good and the "family" they portrayed were believable and honestly drawn characters. The happy ending the audience had been rooting for all along made for a really enjoyable film that left me feeling good and more importantly entertained me. I f I had one gripe it would be the somewhat poor sound but it was a minor point. So it’s not Visconti, but its fun and it works.
*** Stars

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Janet Jackson Disappears!


Did the Hippo get Lipo? Or has she found a miracle diet and an amazing trainer? Who Knows? What we do know is......
In February we commented on the alarming amount of weight gained by Janet "Wardrobe Malfunction" Jackson. Well thanks to the, I have an album out soon diet, Miss Jackson has shed enough fat to make another member of the jackson clan!



More Rank & Bile

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

You Were Never Fuglier - Hilary Clinton

This regular part of my blog is just a poor excuse to post my favourite funny/awful pictures of celebrities at their worst! Some are new and some are old favourites ....enjoy!


Hilary you look like you've just spotted Laura Bush!
Sweetie its not a very presidential look!

More Rank & Bile

Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward

This Months Queens of Camp Hall of Fame Inductee


1960’s puppet show Thunderbirds most fabulous character was undoubtedly Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward. The Thunderbirds London Agent assisted by her trusty butler, Parker, she added a hugely camp element to the show. Not least because of her heavily armed Pink Rolls Royce.
Her official biography reads:
Born on December 24th, 2039, Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward is the 26 year old daughter of aristocrat Sir Hugh Creighton-Ward International Rescue's London Agent, a key part of the organisation's network of undercover agents. Working from her stately home at Foxleyheath in rural Southern England, Lady Penelope appears to those ignorant of her secret life to be just as much a member of the English landed gentry as is expected of a woman in her position. But with her cool poise and nerves of steel, Lady Penelope has proven time and again to be an invaluable addition to the International Rescue team.

Lady Penelope with her glamorous wardrobe and elegant cigarette holder would prove a role model to gays and girls alike throughout the late 1960’s As well as the tv series she appeared in the big screen adaptation and in print.
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward Queen of Camp we salute you!

Click here for more Queens of Camp
See Lady Penelope in action below

More Rank & Bile

Monday, April 10, 2006

Screen Queen-Some of what I'm watching this Month

Callas Forever
Starring:Jeremy Irons Fanny Ardant Joan Plowright Jay Rodan Gabriel Garko Justino Diaz Manuel De Blas
Director:Franco Zeffirelli
Genres:Drama
Released:November 22, 2005

This fictionalised biopic chronicles the final years of opera meta-diva Maria Callas (Fanny Ardant), with a what if scenario. It's the late 1970s and Callas, has lost her voice and now stomps around her apartment in a haze of pills and regret. Untill her former manager Larry (Jeremy Irons) hits on the plan to do a film of CARMEN, with Callas lip-synching her younger voice, thus preserving her stage presence for future generations. The trouble is that once Callas gets back in the limelight, her over-the-top artistic temperament threatens to destroy the entire project.
My Thoughts
This film was obviously a labour of love for Zeffirelli who was a a close friend and collaberator of Maria’s and is based in some part on real or certainly hoped for events. Fanny Ardant without resorting to impersonation gives a fantastc sense of the troubled diva, who, abandoned by her lover, voice and her public is utterly alone but who craves the spotlight again, whilst at the same time fears its glare. A remarkabley strong and particularly handsome cast including Jeremy Irons support Miss Ardant in this fascinating look at the mind of a true Diva. There is also the opportunity to hear the remarkable voice of Callas which alone makes the film worth while. I enjoyed this immensely.
**** Stars

The Proprietor (1996)
ODYSSEY VIDEO
Starring:Jeanne Moreau Josh Hamilton Austin Pendleton Sam Waterston
Director:Ismail Merchant
Genres:Drama
Released:September 06, 2004
A New York writer decides to sell-up and return to her native home in France.
My Thoughts
An unusual solo project for Ismail Merchant but not without merits . Jeanne Morreau as a jewish writer coming to terms with the changes in her native Paris after an absence of forty years and forced to re-live her family’s nazi nightmares in light of a return home and the political shift to the right she encounters there. Though Jeanne Morreau is always incredibly watchable, I much prefer her acting in her native tongue
**** Stars

Chronicles Of Narnia - The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe(2005)
WALT DISNEY HOME VIDEO
Starring:Tilda Swinton Jim Broadbent Ray Winstone Anna Popplewell Dawn French Rupert Everett Skandar Keynes James Cosmo James McAvoy Georgie Henley William Moseley Sophie Winkleman Liam Neeson
Director:Andrew Adamson
Genres:Action/Adventure Children Family Thriller
Released:April 03, 2006
Director Andrew Adamson gives a new dimension to C.S. Lewis's enchanting story with this long-awaited Disney adaptation.
My Thoughts
Oh dear! I so wanted to like this film, the book having been one of my favourites as a child but I found this adaption poorly made and executed particularly when compared with the truly spectacular work done by Peter Jackson on the Tolkein films recently. Whilst the cast struggle gamely with the clunky script and direction it is all just a big disappointment. If you want to get to know the wonderful land of Narnia as created by C.S. Lewis then read the books!
** Stars
-------------------------------------------------------------
* Star-Complete turkey
** Stars-Yawn! bit of a dud
*** Stars-Not bad, but no masterpiece
**** Stars-Definately worth watching
***** Stars-An instant classic

Companies We Hate - Domino's Pizza

Not content with financing several anti gay and pro life organisations via The Ave Maria Foundation he runs, Domino's Pizza founder Thomas S. Monaghan has decided to build an entire town based on his religously extreme views. The town to be based in Florida will be governed according to strict Roman Catholic principles, with no place to get an abortion, pornography or birth control. So a really fun place to live then! The Pizza magnate describes the project as "Gods Will" and one of its big supporters is Gov Jeb Bush, who describes the project as a new kind of town where faith and freedom will merge to create a community of like-minded citizens.

Good grief! not content with ruining the bodies of American citizens this man wants impose his extremist views on the minds of an entire town. So next time you go to order potato wedges or a large meat feast just think what the moneys is going to fund and head for Pizza Hut instead!

Jonathan Rhhys Meyers

The I Definately Would - Hunk of The Month
Yet another flimsy excuse to post pictures of my favourite totty!


















We first noticed him in The Velvet Goldmine and then TV's Gormenghast since then he's had a stream of hit films most recently with Match point and the soon to be released Mission Impossible 3. Im sure we are going to be seeing a whole lot more of Jonathan.







As well as being a great actor he's not afraid to get his kit off on camera in fact he appears to insist every part calls for it!

Click here to see!

More Rank & Bile

Charlize Theron G.L.A.A.D. to be Gay

GLAAD The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation presented its Vanguard Award to Charlize Theron at the 17th annual GLAAD Media Awards, on Saturday, for increasing "visibility and understanding in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community." The award came about, after Theron told TV's "Extra" that she and her partner, Stuart Townsend, would not wed until gay and lesbian couples attained the legal right to marry. Accepting the award at the same venue (The Kodak Theatre Hollywood) where she won her Oscar for Monster in 2003 Theron went on to say "I feel so fortunate that I am in a relationship with a wonderful man," I find it incredibly unfair that because of our sexual preference, we have the rights that we have, and that, because of someone else's sexual preference, they don't have those same rights."
As we always suspected Miss Theron has beauty, brains, class AND a conscience.

More Rank & Bile

Sharon Stone and Martha Stewart - Let Them Eat Cake

Hmmm this picture is from Martha Stewart’s Show with guest Sharon (no pants) Stone. Is it me or do you just want to place both hands firmly on the backs of their heads and push their silly faces into those hideous looking cakes?
Martha surely deserves it for being such a sanctimonious old bag and Sharon for inflicting the horror that is Basic Instinct 2 on us!


More Rank & Bile

Pope Unveils New Hair Style

Pope Benedict XVI shows, that whilst he may be in the dark ages with his views on homosexuality, abortion and contraception his hairstyle is fiercely upto date!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Car Crash of The Month - Melanie Griffith


Poor old Melanie Griffith (48) finally the addictions to drink, drugs, Antonio and plastic surgery have taken their toll and it seems meltdown is likely if not imminent. Last month saw the actress face the indignity of The Enquirer printing pictures of her at AA meetings. Behaviour her publicist has strenuously condemned.


Then comes the news on Friday that the designer Niklas J. Palm whose creation she wore to the 2006 Golden Globes is accusing her, in a law suit, of refusing to pay nearly $26,000 for the stunning outfit. The suit also alleges Melanie promised, "That he will receive publicity that money could not buy, then conveniently forgot his name when reporters on the red carpet specifically asked (her) who designed her beautiful gown - taking credit for the gown herself." Given Than Melanie was pretty much unanimously voted worst dressed at the 2005 Oscars, sporting a hideous backless number with matching crutch! She’s lucky anyone agreed to dress her this year!


Melanie’s battles with addiction have been well documented over the years, as she careered in and out of re-hab but add to that her more recent paranoia at growing old plus her publicly voiced fears at losing Antonio to a younger woman and new addiction to surgery and you have an accident just waiting to happen.

Melanie needs to take a leaf out of her Mother The Legendary Tippi Hedren’s book, who manages even at age 75, to always look elegant without resorting to the kind of mutton dressed as collagen injected lamb tactics adopted by her daughter. Tippi teach your daughter some style!

More Rank & Bile

Daniel Craig Bonds with Gay Fans

Former Rank and Bile Hunk of the Month and new James Bond, Daniel Craig, claims innocence as to why he’s getting so much attention form Gay guys hmm maybe some of the pictures recently seen on the net and in the press could be the answer?

On a recent night out Craig says Gay Guys were all over me like a rash but they never ask about the Bond plot? Guess it’s not your plot they’re after Daniel! It might also have something to do with Daniel’s propensity to get naked at the drop of a hat?! Not that we are complaining in the least Daniel. Click here to see even more of Daniel!









More Rank & Bile

Thursday, April 06, 2006

You Were Never Fuglier- Burt Reynolds

This regular part of my blog is just a poor excuse to post my favourite funny/awful pictures of celebrities at their worst! Some are new and some are old favourites....enjoy!

Burt Reynolds or Crocodile Handbag?

Burt Burt Burt! What the hell happened to you? You look like a lizard in a wind tunnel thats got a brillo pad on its head!

For Pity's sake lay off the surgery !

More Rank & Bile

Some of What I'm Reading this Month

Tab Hunter Confidential:
The Making of a Movie Star
Tab Hunter, Eddie Muller
Hurrah! I love Tab Hunter and whilst Tab has been relatively honest detailing his relationships with others including Anthony Perkins and others you are left thinking that you arent getting quite, all the story but then very few stars of Mr Hunters era have had the courage to even "come out" Let alone tell the whole truth and whilst Tab doesnt kiss and tell on everyone. We do get a pretty good idea of the pressures on a Gay teen pin up in 50's America. I read this book alongside "The Pretty Boys and Dirty Deals of HenryWilson" a biography of the man who discovered Tab, Rock and most of Americas 1950's Beefcake. The two stories woven together made fascinating reading. A great read from a still enigmatic (and handsome) star.
*** Stars

Wicked
Gregory Maguire
The book that inspired the musical is a beautifuly crafted story of The Land of Oz before Dorothy dropped in. I expcted to hate this book and was astonished by how much I enjoyed it. Its the story of Elphaba better known as The Wicked Witch of the West who turns out to be a very mis-understood witch indeed. As Elphaba is in fact a sexy, intelligent, crusading animal rights activist. Glynda the good witch of the North turns out to be a snob and a government spy, whilst Oz is revealed as a dictatorship along the lines of Nazi Germany. Fascinating and brilliantly written Maguire's is an Oz for adults, I look forward to the next book in the series.
**** Stars


The Biograph Girl
William J. Mann
I love Manns writing but prior to this novel had only read his non fiction works, including the excellent Wisecracker. I am so pleased to report his fiction is as finely crafted as his non fiction with characters that have real depth and warmth. As with his biographies it is the attention to detail and period that sets him apart . I e mailed Mr Mann on his website to congratulate him and in his reply he told me the book has been optioned, Im not surprised the whole book has a fantastic cinematic feel which had me picturing a posssible movie all the way through. I look forward to the movie and to tackling the rest of Mr Manns fictional works. (P.S. The author is an absolute hottie as well!)
**** Stars

Everyone Worth Knowing
Lauren Weisberger
Everyone worth knowing-Is not worth reading!
They say everyone has a novel inside them....well in Miss Weisberger's case it was definately just the one! This dire follow up to her best seller The Devil Wears Prada is a poor imitation proving that once you take Miss (nuclear) Wintour out of the equation there's not a lot left.
* Star
------------------------------------
* Star-Dont put this book down, throw it as hard as you can out of the nearest window.
** Stars-Yawn.... bit of a dud
*** Stars-Not bad, but no masterpiece
**** Stars-A Ripping yarn definately worth killing a few hours with
***** Stars-Couldnt put it down! an instant classic

Whitney's Woes Continue

So, I read that Beyonce and Mary J. Blige have rushed to offer support to downward spiraling addict Whitney (crack is wack) Houston. Mary J is praying for Whitney as we speak, apparently. I wonder how supportive they will be after the next installment of the Enquirer’s expose on Whitney hits the news stands this week.

What more can there be you ask? Well, apparently not content with revealing Whitney to be a crack crazed, toothless lunatic who scares small children, this week comes news that Whitney spends hours with certain appliances (the battery operated kind) in her bathroom and has frequent affairs with women! Whitney has long been dogged by gay rumours and it would appear that if the blabber mouthed, sister in law, from hell is to be believed, those rumours weren’t without foundation. Something tells me Bobby’s sister wont be back to visit anytime soon!

Lordy! Surely there can’t be any more dirt on poor old Whitney? Well apparently yes there can, as next week will see instalment three of the Enquirer’s investigation into the train wreck that is, Being Whitney Houston.

Whitney! For goodness sake get a lawyer, then get some help!!

More Rank & Bile

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Brokeback on Ice!

Well no its not really but this made me smile so I thought I'd share it with you!

More Rank & Bile

Liza's No1 Gay Icon is Cher!

In a forthcoming interview with Newsweek, Liza with a Z claims, if it came down to it, a contest for ultimate Gay Icon, between Cher, Barbra and Liza , would be won by Cher!So what is it that makes these three, such massive Icons, well according to Liza “I think probably Barbra and maybe even Cher and myself in school felt like outcasts because we didn’t have standard looks” and that “Maybe what a gay Icon is, is a person who is rooted for — in other words, cheered on — by people who feel different,”

Well honey you should know!
I think the real reason this trio of Divas remain constant in the affections of gay men. Is that all of them have, from the very start of their careers, acknowledged and embraced their gay fans. (As this interview with Liza shows).


Liza, though a close second in the icon department, confesses her gaydar often lets her down admitting she didn’t guess first husband Peter Allen (The Boy from Oz) was gay until two weeks after they were married! Presumably she’s still in the dark about the last one as well! (A little tip Liza.....maybe stop dating members of Momma’s fan club?)

Liza may be car crash/gay icon/Hollywood royalty but that doesn’t mean she does'nt have friends at every level and Liza goes on to say that "one of my best friends is a taxi driver another is a maintenance man”..."I go everywhere people are wonderful,They say hi and I say hi, and we keep going. That’s New York.” (That maybe New York Liza but saying Hi in the street doesn’t make someone your friend. This could explain why the guest list for her last wedding included half the population of New York!)

Well I for one, look forward to reading the full interview with Crazy with a Z if nothing else you can always rely on Liza for a laugh.

More Rank & Bile

Cher Queen of Queens


In a recent Interview Liza Claimed in a contest
between her Cher and Streisand it would be Cher voted the biggest Gay Icon.

Streisand never one to lose gracefully must be fuming and propably has people stitching more and more sequins on the costumes for her scheduled farewell tour in a bid to camp it up, as we speak.

So is Liza right? You better Believe it!
So what makes Cher the Queen of Queens?
Well if nothing else it's effort. Whilst Liza's Studio 54 days, Halston outfits , gay husbands and drug problems all added to her Iconic status, she did have a pretty big head start, having inherited the mantel from Momma (the worlds greatest ever Gay Icon). As for Barbra, she tried real hard at the start, channeling Fanny Brice, show tunes, the whole Brooklyn, Jewish thing, fingernails and the Diva tantrums but then, her heart just was'nt in it and she crimped her hair,went down the Stoney End and landed up well and truly mainstream.


Cher on the other hand has just worked and worked it, she has climbed the Icon Ladder one sequinned outfit at a time, with only Bob Mackie and her plastic surgeon to help her and still the (Iconic) Beat Goes On. From The Sonny and Cher Show, to power ballads, infomercials, an Oscar, the gayest comeback of all time (Believe) and Culminating in her (never ending) farewell tour which must surely be the Gayest entertainment event of all time. Cher just keeps on going, gathering another generation of gay fans decade after decade. Yes Liza is right Cher has truly earned her titles Queen of camp, biggest Gay Icon and Queen of Queens.

One of Pops greatest comebacks Cher Beleive!

Beautiful Brando

A long forgotten screen test made by a young Marlon Brando for the film Rebel Without a Cause has come to light. The part would eventually make James Dean a star 8 years later and the test which is included as a bonus feature on a new DVD set of Tennessee Williams film adaptations, has been gathering dust since the late 1940’s.

The test pre-dates Brando’s film debut in The Men and whilst it is obvious Brando was not suited for the role of tortured teenager Jim Stark it does give a glimpse of Brando at his physical and artistic peak. For all the criticism thrown at Brando later in his life, there is no denying he was a spectacular specimen in his youth, as this test shows. So get a copy of the box set and feast your eyes on Brando before the mumbling, weight gain and total destruction of his fabulous looks. Here are a few pictures to give you a taste.

More Rank & Bile

Monday, April 03, 2006

Her Madgesty to Meet Her Subjects

I want to turn the "world into one big dance floor" so said Madonna today as she announced her new tour and a pretty grueling trek its likely to be, as she takes in North America, including San Jose, Fresno, Phoenix, Chicago, Montreal, Hartford, New York, Boston, Philadelphia, Atlantic City, Miami and Los Angeles then on to Japan & Britain followed by Paris, Amsterdam, Rome, Duesseldorf, Hanover and Horsens in Denmark (rather random that last one!?)


My thoughts? Not bad for an old bird of 47! Lets face it, that could wipe out an artist half her age.
So what can we expect? Well…. costumes by Gaultier a Studio 54 theme and if British tabloid, The Sun is to be believed The Material Girl has also been inspired by David LaChapelle's street dance documentary Rize and plans to 'krump' on her forthcoming tour.


Is it me? Or does all this just smack a little of a mid life crisis? A desperate kind of look at me Ive still got it, I can Krump and I have a leotard and I’m not afraid to wear it! Maybe its time to put the gusset away and stop trying to prove you can outdance kids half your age and still mime? Am I being too harsh? Maybe? Well lets just hope her hernia holds up.
Official Tour Site: http://www.confessionstour.com/

Screen Queen-Some of what I'm watching this Month

Crash (2004)
Starring:Sandra Bullock Don Cheadle Matt Dillon Jennifer Esposito William Fichtner Brendan Fraser Terrence Dashon Howard Ludacris Thandie Newton Ryan Phillippe
Director:Paul Haggis
Run time:112 mins
Genres:Drama
A car accident brings together a group of strangers in Los Angeles.
My Thoughts
I re-rented this film after its Oscar win, if only to see if I missed something last time. In my opinion I didn’t. I still find this film patronizing, poorly acted and riddled with ridiculous coincidences all of which are used to clumsily push the “plot” forward. Maybe I’m missing something or maybe it’s the subject matter rather than the way it was executed that was being honoured, either way I wasn’t impressed.
** Stars
The Assassination of Richard Nixon (2004)
Starring:Sean Penn Naomi Watts Don Cheadle Jack Thompson Michael Wincott Mykelti Williamson
Director:Niels Mueller
Run time:91 Genres:Drama
In 1974, one man made an appointment with history. Bicke is a salesman whose overly idealistic mindset is hopelessly at odds with the life that surrounds him. He desperately clings to his estranged wife and children, a job that undermines his basic belief in trust and loyalty, alienated friends and family and a last, floundering attempt at his own independent business. But as his world begins to crumble into disarray, it triggers a crusade for redemption that has shattering consequences...
My Thoughts
I really enjoyed this film, though I didn’t expect to, given its somewhat bleak story line. Sean Penn is remarkable as a man whose life is slowly unraveling against the backdrop of Nixon’s own descent into notoriety and shame. This culminates in an explosive meeting of the two stories. Excellent support comes from Naomi Watts as his estranged wife and Don Cheadle as his prospective business partner both fighting their own particular demons but whilst they cling on to the crumbling American dream, Bicke (Penn) is overwhelmed by its demise at the hands of the corrupt Nixon with tragic results. The more I see of Penn the more I like him; I think he really has the potential to become America’s foremost screen actor, a role currently vacant since Brando’s demise. This part will do nothing but enhance his reputation and I’m surprised this gem received such scant attention when it was released last year.
**** Stars

The Last Mitterrand (2005)
Starring:Michel Bouquet Jalil Lespert Philippe Fretun Anne Cantineau
Director:Robert Guediguian
Run time:111 mins
Genres:Drama Foreign/Arthouse
A young journalist helps the dying French President compile his memoirs
My Thoughts
I really wanted to like this film as I have real affection for Mitterrand as a statesman and as a person. Mitterrand, Like Thatcher, is a dazzling character, you may not admire his politics but the man himself is fascinating and commands respect. With such rich inspiration for its subject and the juxtaposition of the idealistic young journalist’s search for truth and the old man attempting to re-write his own history, before he dies, you should have the making of a great piece of cinema. Should have…..alas the script and Guediguian’s clumsy direction reduce Mitterrand to a dull old man and the journalist to a two dimensional stereotype neither of which I particularly cared for. Bouquet, a usually fine actor, does his best but even he is defeated by the script. In one particularly clumsy speech he describes each country as having its own colour and claims the colour of France is grey. Sadly the same can be said of this film which is tragic given how colourful the subject (Mitterrand) really was.
**Stars
-------------------------------------------------------------------
* Star-Complete turkey
** Stars-Yawn! bit of a dud
*** Stars-Not bad, but no masterpiece
**** Stars-Definately worth watching
***** Stars-An instant classic

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Barbra Streisand Hello Gorgeous

Its Babs season at the moment with a whole slew of stories about the woman with a voice like buttah but bettah.


First came the release of Barbra’s TV specials, all of em! in a handsome box set and the somewaht tardy follow up to Guilty-Guilty Too (and to be honest babs should have been a feeling a bit guilty over inflicting that particular cd on us!)


Then the announcement that La Streisand will schlep across the US on another farewell tour (please God it’s not as long as Cher’s!) Which Babs claims is the only way she can lose the 50lbs she’s put on recently! (Yeah right! So nothing to do with the min $10m dollars she’ll net from the shows, with top tickets at $1500 a pop!) Can’t she just diet like everyone else?


On top of all this comes a statement by Don Feder, founder and president of Jews Against Anti-Christian Defamation (who?!) that Barbra is in fact not Jewish enough! (hello! have you seen or heard the woman!) At a recent meeting at the conservative evangelical 'War on Christians' conference. (bet that one was a sell out!) he urged the crowd not to blame "the liberal, self-hating Jews in Hollywood. Remember, the people in this audience are more Jewish than people like Barbra Streisand, because you embrace Jewish values, she doesn't," he said. What is this man on? That’s like saying The Pope isn’t catholic enough! ......Please!


Then comes the un-authorised biography by Christopher Anderson- The way she is. This particular tome throws up a couple of new stories that must have Babs pretty verklempt
including hints that she had an affair with Clinton….. but then hey! Who didn’t? Claims Barbra had a fling with Prince Charles (Lordy! that man has some strange tastes)and that she can also count, Dodi Fayed and Richard Gere amongst her other goy toys. He also trots out the tired old stories to illustrate her much reported Diva like behaviour and legendary penny pinching but hey who cares, this is Babs and all of that stuff just makes her even more fabulous and If Barbra brings her show to London, like everyone else I will be forking over my hard earned cash, to catch a glimpse of a legend.

See the Barbra page at The Queens of Camp
More Rank & Bile