You Were Never Fuglier - Britney Spears

Good grief isn’t it bad enough that Britney looks like her stylist is Helen Keller and her weaves were borrowed from Whitney in her crack days? Does she also have to go around pulling the most unflattering faces as well?

Surely after all this time in the public eye Britney has learned that when the paps are around you try and smile and look composed instead of looking like a retarded child! Lately I’m starting to wonder if we weren’t better off looking at her cooter, than that sulky sow of a face.

Sort it out Britney and while you’re at it learn some table manners the pictures of you eating lunch, nearly made me lose mine!

More Rank & Bile

Frock Horrors At the Golden Globes

Last night's Golden Globes red carpet was a huge disappointment. Normally there at least a dozen monstrosities paraded down the red carpet but this year everyone was playing it safe sartorially and the result was a well groomed but ultimately dull showing.

However all was not entirely lost, despite the best stylists money can buy someone always gets it drastically wrong and whilst year there may have been less of them than usual there was still some ghastly garb on display. So here we present the Golden Globe Frock Horrors for 2007:

First up Beyonce! Lordy! That bitch needs to stop letting her mother dress her cos judging by this ghastly gold number her mother is in fact a retired Drag Queen from Arkansas. Well thank heavens, at least her wig was glued on right this time!



Vanessa Williams of Ugly Betty Fame. Good grief! The dress is actually not bad. But what’s with the dead animal act on top?

Unfortunately it looks like the fur is real unlike that fright wig she’s wearing! Crikey! Even Whitney on crack sported better weaves than that bird nest.





Jennifer Love-Hewitt eek! Busy, busy, busy. Like her name there's just too much of it.

All that shiny gold plus 3 different patterns and what’s with the panel at the front it looks like a weightlifter’s belt with a bow on it.

Hideous! And someone needs to tell her she’s too old for hair that long.




P Diddy seems to have borrowed an old smoking jacket from some twenties drama or is it just a tux he stole from from a 70’s third rate Vegas lounge act?

Either way it’s truly hideous and should be burned immediately, in fact it looks like just a whiff of a cigarette and the whole thing would melt like cheap polyester.




Cameron Diaz, no wonder Justin dumped you, for a start that dark hair is just so un-flattering and harsh and what the hell is that flouncy fluffy bit of ruffled tat you are wearing.

She might just have got away with it if she was a foot taller and ten years younger….well maybe.



Sienna Miller actually wore quite a nice Alexander McQueen dress but for some reason she wore her hair like across between Tina Turner and Heidi giving her the look of a demented milk maid! Sienna needs to learn you need to do a spot of grooming if you ever want designers to lend you a dress again!

Well they were a bit parse this year but nice to see there’s always a few Frock horrors at every award show.

More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Angelina Jolie

I never thought I’d be posting Angelina Jolie in one of my You Were Never Fuglier Posts! The woman is flawless and has quite possibly the most beautiful face in the world but it seems even Angelina is not completely perfect.









Whilst she may have the face of a goddess it appears she has the arms of an eighty yr old woman and the hands to match!

Eww those are some seriously ugly veins on her arms and it looks like she has a nasty case of that Hollywood affliction, “zombie hands”. Well at least it gives hope to the rest of us mere mortals that she isn’t completely flawless!

More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Pierce Brosnan

Good heavens Pierce Brosnan is looking less oo7 these days and more 0070!

Pierce was said to have been disappointed at being dropped from the the James Bond movies after being told he was too old for the part.





Having seen the way he's ageing It's hardly a surprise! And these windswept pics of him in a rumpled shirt are certainly not the suave Bond like Pierce, we know and love, he looks like a Hawaiian wino!

Someone needs to get this man some Grecian 200 and quick!

P.S. Pierce a little bit of advice... stubble only looks good on a man before it goes grey!

More Rank & Bile

Nancy Dell’Olio Is A Delusional Drag Queen

In an Interview with First Magazine Nancy Dell’Olio former Queen of the Hags Wags claims Posh is too thin and as a role model should fatten up. Well no arguments there but then Delusional Dell’Olio went on to claim she is angry her age has been reported as 46.

"I do not know where this comes from. I'm not 46, I am 43. I'm fabulous anyway, I know I look 20 years younger than I am,"

I want the same mirror this mad cow uses! Cos from where we are standing honey you look like a fifty year old drag queen!

More Rank & Bile

Invasion Of The Hollywood Zombie Hands

Dorian Gray had a portrait in the attic that got older and uglier as he remained youthful and gorgeous, in Hollywood the stars carry their portraits with them on the end of their wrists!



Almost every single fresh faced Hollywood star has hands that even their grandmother would be ashamed of.

Yes the plague of Zombie hands has reached epic proportions in Tinstletown and it seems the younger and more line free their faces are the worse the hands get!








It used to be said that you could tell the real age of a woman by her hands but in Hollywood there are girls in their 20’s sporting hands that wouldn’t look out of place on the crypt keeper!







The Queen of the Zombie hands set is undoubtedly Nicole Richie who at 24 has the hands of an eighty yr old woman! But even A listers like Nicole Kidman and Madge have hands like claws and most of it’s down to excessive dieting.



The irony is these bitches spend a fortune on getting their faces line free but are willing to go around with hands like withered shovels. Lordy!












Get some collagen injected or buy some damn gloves! Better yet try eating something and putting some damn meat on your bony old claws.



More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Donatella Versace & Rupert Everett

If this isn't a really good advert for not having surgery I don't know what is!

Good grief! Donatella Versace and Rupert Everettt turned up for the opening of La Sacala's production of Aida directed by Franco Zeffirelli looking like mummies.

Rupert has a look of constant surprise whilst Donatella looks more and more like a crocodile handbag!

More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Meg Ryan

Looks like Meg Ryan has joined the growing list of actresses who've reached a certain age and have a surgeon on speed dial and in this case someone needs to prize the phone from her hand!

Poor Old Meg who was oh so pretty once, now sports one of the worst trout pouts in Hollywood (even worse than Melanie griffith!) and whilst the bottom of her face is dropping faster than Britney's panties the top has been botoxed into oblivion.

Star Magazine published these pictures which show just how bad her descent into surgery madness has become and it's not pretty!

It wouldn't hurt if she invested in a decent haircut and a comb either. So come on Meg lay off the collagen and botox and get yourself a stylist. You look like a startled hamster!

More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Victoria Beckham

Poor Old Victoria Beckham pictured here leaving the Hempel Hotel in London earlier this week.

It seems the paparazzi caught her at the precise moment she realised her stylist had put her in an old potato sack instead of a frock!

Amazingly she's actually worn this monstrosity before, in Paris, to much derision and still her stylist let her out in it again.

Some people never learn it seems!


More Rank & Bile

No Prestige For Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johannson is not having a good week fist she was pictured at the London premiere of her new film “Prestige” wearing quite possibly the most hideous frock of her career topped off with a kind of pink hair rinse.

Lord knows what her stylist was thinking? She looks fat and lumpy and the rinse makes her look like a 50yr old Palm Springs matron.

As if that wasn’t bad enough rumours are circulating like wildfire that there is a Scarlett sex tape.

The audio tape allegedly made when Johansson forgot to remove her mike whilst filming and gave sound technicians a 12 minute performance as she got hot and heavy with an unnamed man in a car.

Still, all publicity is good publicity and Scarlett’s new film is currently top of the box office in the US.

More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - John Travolta

Lordy! John Travolta has definately run to seed.


But even more alarming than the site of his waist which is spreading faster than Paris Hilton's crabs, is the sight of John in drag!

Now at this point I should point out this is a picture of John from his new movie Hairspray, directed by John waters, in which he plays the part of Edna Turnblad made famous by drag queen Divine and despite the fact he looks like he's having a gay old time in drag this is not a candid picture of John relaxing at home!

Whatever you may have heard!

More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Suzanne Somers

What on earth happened to Suzanne, star of a million info-mercials for the thigh master. I presume at some point she had some kind of other career as well ....oh yes wasn't she an actress once?

Well she might have thighs that can crack a walnut but theres nothing firm about that face!
Obviously thigh master sales are down or she'd be straight to the surgeons office.
Then maybe she might look somthing like her thigh master promo shots!

More Rank & Bile

Debbie Does Our Miss Brooks At CBGB

Two of New York’s crumbling and decaying music icons joined forces on Saturday when Debbie Harry played the last gig at legendary punk rock dive CBGB in New York. The club is to close after 33 yrs due to a rent dispute and has been falling into disrepair for years, as by the look of her has Miss Harry!

At 61 the days of her peroxide pout and outlandish outfits, like CBGB are a thing of the past. Instead Debbie came dressed as Our Miss Brooks complete with dyed red hair and managed to look almost as condemned as the club.

Looks like two bits of New York music history died this weekend!

More Rank & Bile

Farrah Fawcett Battles Cancer

Seems Rank & Bile owes Farrah an apology after we gave her a You were never fuglier post and criticised her bad surgery, it seems the reason the former Charlie's Angels star has been looking tired and worn of late is that un-be known to her she has had cancer of the intestine and anus. Farrah got the news just after her triumphant comeback appearance at the Emmy's Arron Spelling tribute.

She now faces six weeks of gruelling radiation treatment.

Former lover Ryan O' Neal, who himself battled leukemia a few years ago is back at her side and helping her through it, as she was for him. ''She's so strong,'' he says. `I love her. I love her all over again. I was the first person she called when she was diagnosed. I love her, I've loved her for 25 years, and she knows that. Farrah is a fighter. The first thing she said to me was, 'I've got cancer.' The second thing she said was, 'I'm going to beat this.'

Good for you Farrah and the best of luck!

More Rank & Bile

Babs Baps Get An Airing!

Good grief! What on earth was Mental Yentl thinking?!

With her breasts falling to her knees faster than Monica Lewinsky, you’d have thought Babs would have the sense not to leave home without a bra?!

Although a couple of hammocks and a crane might have been more appropriate.

Eww Get that cardigan on quick girl and cover those puppies up!

More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Mischa Barton

Mischa Barton the normally chic and annoyingly perfect, “star” of The O.C. gave hope to all of us who don’t manage to look Dior perfect every time we leave the house, when she appeared in one of the most truly horrendous outfits ever!

For some reason Mischa decided to don what looks like a beige tartan nappy for a recent outing! As if that wasn’t enough to warm the hearts of the stylishly challenged, joy of joys as she got into her car a snapper caught what looks suspiciously like a bit of cellulite!

There is A God!

More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Kate Bosworth

Move over Nicole Richie and Posh you look positively fat next to the skeletal Kate Bosworth.

My god! The gilrl is 23 and constant dieting has left her with the shrivelled body of an 80 year old crone. That is so not sexy! Sort it out bitch! Go get yourself a cheeseburger before you vanish into thin air!

More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Richard Gere

Good grief!

What happened to Richard Gere when did he get so old? What a difference 7 years makes!

And what's with the Santa beard? It's only September for Gods sake.



He looks more Mad Professor than American Gigolo these days!

Unless he's planning a remake of Miracle on 34th street there's no excuse.

Get a shave and some Botox ( or even better a lift) for Gods sake!

More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Farrah Fawcett

The Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner this weekend brought out a bevvy of stars, including a totally wrecked Farrah Fawcett.

Lordy! what happened to Farrah?

The answer sadly, is 30 years and a whole lot of bad surgery! As this other picture all too graphically shows.


The former Charlie's Angel looks like hell!

Not only is her face ravaged she 's sporting one of the worst cases of celebrity B.I.L.E (botox induced lazy eye) ever seen.

What a shame! There was a time when she was the most beautiful woman in Hollywood.

Hell! even I fancied her! Ok maybe thats an exageration, but I did want her hair!

For Gods sake Farrah lay off the surgery!

More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Barbra Streisand

Oh my God! What the hell happened to Babs! You're not looking so "Evegreen" here honey. These pictures taken of her inspecting the building site of her new home, are truly frightening, it looks like it's Babs who needs the major renovations.

Now let's be honest, she's never been the prettiest of gals but really! There's no excuse for looking like this. She's going to start frightening small children if she doesn't do something soon . Judging by the size of her she's eaten a few already!

I may be the first to mock those who go too far with plastic surgery but there are certain people who could do with a little bit of work doing, or in this case a whole lot of work!


Babs sort it out! You look a fright!

More Rank & Bile