Dear readers
Having returned from my holiday I have decided to put the Rank & Bile site to bed, I have been Blogging for a year now and feel “Ive been there and done that” I’d like to thank all of the nearly 100,300 visitors over the last year and their 260,000 page views.
Tyra Banks ex model turned TV Host, has hit back at paparazzi pics and articles in the press about her recent weight gain. Tyra who admits to gaining weight since she gave up modelling says the media’s obsession with weight has gone too far and intends to devote an episode of her show to addressing the issue. She hasn’t stopped there either on the cover of People Magazine a swimsuit clad Tyra asks the question:
“You call this fat?”
In a further spread inside Tyra goes on to claim:
“If I had lower self esteem I would probably be starving myself right now”
Well done Tyra very commendable!
However!…All of this might sound very noble, had it not been for the fact that People have very clearly Photo-shopped half her thighs out of the pictures! Either that or the girls had major Lypo since the pap shots were taken.
Cos there is no way they are the same thighs!
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Katie Holmes has been allowed out again from the clutches of Tom and once again her minder friend Posh accompanied her! The girls created quite a stir as they hit the
Katie in a desperate attempt to recapture her youth even attempted a Britney/Paris style exit from one of the limo’s. Luckily for us the dress didn’t ride quite as far up as Britney and Lindsay’s have been known to!
I’m sure over protective Tom isn’t going to like that but now that Posh and Becks are due to move to the US he will at least have a constant minder friend on call for Katie, in case she tries to escape again.
Meanwhile, whilst Posh shopped in
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Whilst his wife is in Paris, it seems Tom has taken a trip of his own, to crazy town!
The diminutive actor, who is a devout follower of the scientology cult, has been hailed by leaders of the faith as the "chosen one" who will spread the word of the religion.
High-ranking Scientologist David Miscavige is convinced in years to come Crazy Cruise, will be worshipped like Jesus all over the world as he becomes a prophet for the religion.
A source close to the actor is quoted by The Sun newspaper as
saying: "Tom has been told he is Scientology's Christ-like figure. Just like Christ, he has been criticized for his views. But future generations will realize he was right, just like Jesus."
Hmm does that mean we get to crucify the crazy loon?
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Madge’s baby David may be settling in ok according to Madonna but his father is still not happy and is apparently, about to fly to London, to check up on his son. This might explain his absence from the media circus that accompanied the Richie family outing to the premiere of Madonna’s latest turkey film “Arthur and The Invisibles”.
Luckily for us Esther remains invisible in the film too, as she is only the voice of one of the films animated characters. Though rumours are, her performance, though only vocal, is up to her usual standards!
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Funny how Kate Winslet, long time advocate of larger women being portrayed in the media, is more than happy to be airbrushed into oblivion in photo-shoots.
So much so that I didn't even recognise her on the cover of this month's magazine "Hollywood Life".
Luckily the magazine helpfully plastered her name in big print on the cover or no one would have known it was her!
Now I'm all fin favour of a little touch up here and there. But really! It does help if the person is vaguely recognisable!
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Here’s one of the first shots of Madonna photographed by Steven Klein for her “M” line for H&M. Madonna has designed a line of clothing and sunglasses for the retailer. Let’s hope it sells a bit better than that nasty cheap track suit she tried to flog for them earlier in the year!
Is it me or is there a striking resemblance to the ads she did for Versace?
Well, the ads may look similar but I bet the clothes aren’t. I’m sure the Versace togs aren’t made of nylon and fall apart after one wash! What is she thinking hawking this crap all over the High Street! She must really need the money? But then I guess babies don’t come cheap these days!
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Pete Burns, is suing his plastic surgeon for a reported £1m. Pete hired the surgeon to remove lip implants and the surgery didn’t go as planned. He’s now claiming that the messed up procedure
has ruined his career and life.
He said, “It has taken away my life and my career. I saw doctors in
“Eventually I found a doctor in
He has now had almost 100 procedures to correct the mess.
Pete said, “What happened to me after a series of injections was far worse than any nightmare I could have envisaged. Not only was it agonisingly painful but it was physically repulsive in the extreme. It was impossible to lead any life whatsoever. I was unable to leave my house as I was so distorted with swelling.
“At times it leaves me seriously suicidal and depressed and I could have problems for the rest of my life.”
Ouch! If that’s not a warning for anyone contemplating a trout pout I don’t know what is? Are you listening Melanie Griffiths?!!
Well it’s good and bad news this week for old wonky eye, Parisite Hilton; The good news is that she managed to get away with just 36-months of probation and a $390 fine for her drunk driving case.
The bad news is that the the website Paris Hilton Exposed received record hits and the contents leaked all over the internet. The site is the result of personal papers videos and files of Paris which were sold by a storage company for unpaid bills. Some bright spark bought them and put the lot online.
Unfortunately for Hilton these include a whole loada new Paris sex tapes plus a number of other embarrassing items including: prescriptions for OxyContin used to manage anxiety disorders, post-party sleep aid Ambien and the herpes medication Valtrex. Ewww! And a medical bill from a Los Angeles clinic, billing an "Amber Taylor" - with the same birth date as Paris - for a miscarriage in March 2003.
All the videos are in one download here .
Shorter downloads of parts of the tapes are at the following links: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10
And this is the woman who called Britney an animal!
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You Tube is a bloggers dream especially when you can't be bothered to post much! There are some real gems on there so I thought I'd post some of my favourites each month.
This months favourite is yet again, the incomparable Ann Miller and her legendary helmet hair, this time on the "Dinah Shore show", pushing, her then Broadway hit, "Sugar Babies" and opening with a belting version of "I feel A song Coming On" As ever the voice and hair are as big as ever! Enjoy!
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The I Definitely Would Hunk Of The Month
GQ features the delectable Jake Gyllenhaal on their cover this month and the hottie never looked hotter!
He just seems to get better and better as he gets older. He may not be conventionally handsome but the boy certainly has something and those eyes are just dreamy.
I guess it also doesn’t hurt he has a fantastic body after all that cycling and running with fellow dreamboat Matthew McConaughey definitely paid off (lycra never looked so good!)
It looks like he’s no stranger to the gym either, if those biceps are anything to go by! If all that wasn’t enough he has one of the cutest smiles in
I’m ashamed to say, I was never much of a fan before
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She may be of pension-able age, but Raquel Welch could still give some of the younger It girls a run for her money! Still stunning in her sixties the old girl turned up for a MAC cosmetics party in her honour looking fabulous. It may be mostly surgery but hey! That’s great looking surgery!
Raquel will be following previous legends, Diana Ross, Liza Minnelli and Catherine Deneuve as the face of their “Icons” cosmetic campaign.
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Good grief isn’t it bad enough that Britney looks like her stylist is Helen Keller and her weaves were borrowed from Whitney in her crack days? Does she also have to go around pulling the most unflattering faces as well?
Surely after all this time in the public eye Britney has learned that when the paps are around you try and smile and look composed instead of looking like a retarded child! Lately I’m starting to wonder if we weren’t better off looking at her cooter, than that sulky sow of a face.
Sort it out Britney and while you’re at it learn some table manners the pictures of you eating lunch, nearly made me lose mine!
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So after all the histrionics in the Celebrity Big Brother House this week, Jade Goody got evicted. It seems incredible that a dreary reality show could result in a diplomatic incident and force the Prime Minister to answer questions in Parliament! The only good thing is that Ghastly Goody and fellow bully Danielle Lloyd have lost several valuable merchandising deals and are pretty much the most hated people in Britain.
To be honest I don’t care if she’s racist and in all honesty she probably isn’t, I’m just glad to see the back of the mealy mouthed fishwife and her pig ugly face. She may not be racist but she’s an overbearing stupid bully and I really hope Shilpa goes on to win if only to show that class will out!
Shilpa claims she’s there to represent her country presumably Jermaine Jackson and Dirk Benedict feel the same way, how depressing that our representatives in the UK are Jade Goody and her coven of fellow imbeciles, who can barely speak English.
Thanks to the producers of Celebrity Big Brother the
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Well Kate Moss and Pete Doherty had something to celebrate this week. Pete, in court again, managed to avoid a prison sentence for the millionth time (surely his luck is gonna run out soon?) and Kate celebrated her 33rd birthday, which in model years is like 103 but give the girl her due she’s still working and top of the model heap!
Ironic then, that Kate spent her birthday wasted and looking like the wreck of the Hesperus, a look more usually associated with her boyfriend. Whilst Pete called it a night early and looked relatively together! Looks like all the birthday partying with Sadie Frost & co. took its toll on Kate.
If she wants to stay top of the heap much longer a few early nights are in order!
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Now that Justin Timberlake got his "sexy back" and dumped her Cameron Diaz is obviously not taking the split well. Unlike Reese Witherspoon who never looked better since her split with Ryan Philippe and pretty much stole the show at The Golden Globes. Cameron is obviously over compensating with a hideous new hair colour and trowled on drag queen slap, to add to her woes she also sported one of the worst frock horrors on the red carpet.
Whilst Cameron has had a fixed smile for the media recently and claimed in a recent interview
“I love being alone, and being by myself. And I’m reallye! Cameron n good at it too.
“Not in a weird ‘leave me alone’ kind of way, but I’m just much more comfortable when I’m by myself.”
It seems the reality is that she is taking the break up very badly; Page Six reports:
Cameron Diaz is not over Justin Timberlake just yet, and things got heated when she saw her ex chatting up Jessica Biel in
"If that's how she wants to get him back, it won't work," said our insider. "She's desperate."
Hmm happy to be alone? Sounds more like bunny boiling stalker to me she needs to get a grip before she ends up becoming the new Jennifer Aniston and whiles she’s at it ditch the lousy hair colour and clown make up and get a bit of dignity!
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Well it’s hardly a surprise but Lindsay Lohan has checked herself and her decimated liver into Rehab. At only 20 it’s pretty sad that things have to come to this but Lindsay remains up-beat releasing the following statement:
"I have made a proactive decision to take care of my personal health. I appreciate your well wishes and ask that you please respect my privacy at this time."
Ironically the man who originally branded her “Firecrotch” Brandon Davis the beached whale oil heir was instrumental in persuading Lindsay to check herself into The Wonderland treatment centre in
Let’s just hope she stays in there for a bit and gets well. Unlike Nicole Richie and her Rehab spell that saw her out clubbing almost straight away!
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Last night's Golden Globes red carpet was a huge disappointment. Normally there at least a dozen monstrosities paraded down the red carpet but this year everyone was playing it safe sartorially and the result was a well groomed but ultimately dull showing.
However all was not entirely lost, despite the best stylists money can buy someone always gets it drastically wrong and whilst year there may have been less of them than usual there was still some ghastly garb on display. So here we present the Golden Globe Frock Horrors for 2007:
First up Beyonce! Lordy! That bitch needs to stop letting her mother dress her cos judging by this ghastly gold number her mother is in fact a retired Drag Queen from Arkansas. Well thank heavens, at least her wig was glued on right this time!
Vanessa Williams of Ugly Betty Fame. Good grief! The dress is actually not bad. But what’s with the dead animal act on top?
Unfortunately it looks like the fur is real unlike that fright wig she’s wearing! Crikey! Even Whitney on crack sported better weaves than that bird nest.
Jennifer Love-Hewitt eek! Busy, busy, busy. Like her name there's just too much of it.
All that shiny gold plus 3 different patterns and what’s with the panel at the front it looks like a weightlifter’s belt with a bow on it.
Hideous! And someone needs to tell her she’s too old for hair that long.
P Diddy seems to have borrowed an old smoking jacket from some twenties drama or is it just a tux he stole from from a 70’s third rate Vegas lounge act?
Either way it’s truly hideous and should be burned immediately, in fact it looks like just a whiff of a cigarette and the whole thing would melt like cheap polyester.
Cameron Diaz, no wonder Justin dumped you, for a start that dark hair is just so un-flattering and harsh and what the hell is that flouncy fluffy bit of ruffled tat you are wearing.
She might just have got away with it if she was a foot taller and ten years younger….well maybe.
Sienna Miller actually wore quite a nice Alexander McQueen dress but for some reason she wore her hair like across between Tina Turner and Heidi giving her the look of a demented milk maid! Sienna needs to learn you need to do a spot of grooming if you ever want designers to lend you a dress again!
Well they were a bit parse this year but nice to see there’s always a few Frock horrors at every award show.
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Cate Blanchett, not normally one of my favourite actresses, turns in a brilliantly underplayed and restrained performance and even that old ham Bill Nighy for once plays someone other than himself.
Judi’s usual fans however may find her portrayal of her a hard bitten, psychotic, spinster, school teacher a little hard to stomach but I loved it. Highly recommended this film goes on general release February 2nd Go see it!
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I never thought I’d be posting Angelina Jolie in one of my You Were Never Fuglier Posts! The woman is flawless and has quite possibly the most beautiful face in the world but it seems even Angelina is not completely perfect.
Whilst she may have the face of a goddess it appears she has the arms of an eighty yr old woman and the hands to match!
Eww those are some seriously ugly veins on her arms and it looks like she has a nasty case of that Hollywood affliction, “zombie hands”. Well at least it gives hope to the rest of us mere mortals that she isn’t completely flawless!
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Jake Gyllenhaal proved he’s not just a pretty face, with his appearance on Saturday Night Live, he has a sense of humour too. Not only that, the boy can sing as well, as he demonstrated in a sequin dress and wig as he belted out a pretty damn good rendition of “And I am telling you I'm not going” from Dreamgirls!
Watch Jake in full Diva mode and while you’re at it check out those biceps! Who’d have thought it? He actually looks mighty good in that dress!
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There’s just no stopping Dame Shirley Bassey. Here recent version of Pink’s “Get this party started” fronted the Christmas M&S ad and now, The Tigress from
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Good grief now I’m all for a bit of airbrushing here and there, hell! I’ve even taken the Photoshop blur tool to a few of my own pics in the past but there is a limit. Lindsay Lohan appears as the new face of Miu Miu and what on earth were they thinking? I really don’t see the point in making a “celebrity” the face of your ad campaign if you are going to airbrush the out of all recognition!
There’s no way I would have guessed it was Ho Han from this shot, especially when you compare it with this candid shot form the Golden Globes last week, where Lindsay, looked like her partying, operation and decimated liver are well and truly catching up with her!
Jeez! Is there any of the original photo left in that ad!
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For those of you who didn't get the chance to see Kylie's fabulous Showgirl Homecoming Shows don't forget to tune into channel four tonight at 10.10pm to see the diminutive icon's fabulous comeback concert. Recorded in front of a capacity crowd in Australia this really was a homecoming for Australia's own showgirl and superstar.
With all new choreography and stunninning costumes the show is absolutely spectacular. The Queen of Pop is back and better than ever. Welcome back Kylie!
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Watching the English
By Kate Fox
This (very) non academic anthropological study of The English probably seemed like a clever and amusing idea when it was first imagined and it’s true, there is the germ of a good book in there, unfortunately Kate Fox didn’t manage to get it onto the paper successfully. Though the beginning is mildly amusing, the whole thing just becomes a somewhat tedious and repetitive collection of clichés with a tone that you might use with a slightly retarded child. If you want to read a truly amusing study of English people and their behaviour go elsewhere, people from Jeremy Paxman and Jeremy Clarkson and Godfrey Smith have tackled the topic with far more wit and aplomb.
Not recommended unless you are stuck for a present for someone like a senile American Aunt.
My Lucky Star
By Joe Keenan
Philip Claire and Gilbert ride again in Joe Keenan’s third novel for anyone who has read his first two “putting on the Ritz” and “Blue Heaven” the style remains the same with a farce like plot told with panache and a glut of witty one liners. This time our hapless heroes are embroiled in the world of Hollywood where the usual hilarity ensues.
For those of you yet to tackle Joe’s books I strongly recommend them for light humorous entertainment they are sublime, just don’t expect Dostoyevsky! The quality of the humour is hardly surprising for a writer who used to work on the television series Frasier.
Highly recommended for a light and fun read.
Red Carpets and Other Banana Skins
By Rupert Everet
You get the impression the Rupert got bored of writing his book half way through in the same way I got bored reading it half way through! It starts well as study of a young actor to break into “the Biz” but then becomes muddled and disjointed with a huge amount of jumping around. There are some fascinating vignettes but like his acting it’s patchy at best and whilst he holds forth ad nauseum on some topics others are skimmed over to the point of neglect. Somewhere in there is a good book and with a little more time and a tougher editor one day it might emerge.
Fascinating in places but a disappointment overall.
All books available at Rank & Bile Monthly Picks US Edition & UK Edition
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All Hail the new pop sensation Mika. I can't stop playing his first single "Grace Kelly" which is getting masses of air play here in the UK.
I'm sure this fabulously talented and gorgeous 23 yr old has a massive future and I for one can't wait till the release of his Album next month!
Catch Mika on Jools Holland's show below:
Hear "Grace Kelly" on Mika's MySpace page: http://www.myspace.com/mikamyspace
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It seems Britney’s publicist version of the events on NYE at "Pure" are a little at odds with many eye witness reports, including that of “Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous” host, Robin Leach. Whilst Britney’s rep insisted she just walked out because she was feeling tired and didn’t collapse at all, Robin tells a different story:
In an exclusive interview with ABC News Radio, Leach says: "She suddenly slides to the floor. Pandemonium and panic break out in her 27-strong person camp. The woman standing two feet away from me immediately shouts out at the top of her voice, 'Make sure there are no pictures, no photographers at all!'
"At the same time, her bodyguard, who was four feet from me, calls for extra security, and the bodyguards from Pure nightclub race up there." Britney was then carried out.
Hmm still saying you left early cos you were tired Britney?
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It seems Rank & Bile spoke to soon when we jokingly said doctors should have replaced Lindsay Lohan’s Liver while they were conducting her appendectomy. According to The National Enquirer, when Lindsay Lohan was in the hospital to have her operation, her blood work showed that Lindsay's liver enzymes are "extremely elevated," and she has now been warned she may die, if she doesn't stop drinking.
"The appendectomy was routine, but what doctors discovered in her blood work was not," a source close to the actress told The Enquirer.
"Lindsay's liver panel shows her drinking is taking a terrible toll on her health. Her liver enzymes are extremely elevated, and doctors warned her if she doesn't quit boozing she could die!" In addition to the raised enzymes, the levels of protein in her liver were shockingly low — so low her doctors "couldn't believe she was even walking around," said an insider.
Good grief the girl is only 20 and already she’s a broken down drunk with a clapped out liver! How much is she knocking back for Gods sake? Even Larry Hagman’s sozzled old liver lasted him until he hit 65!
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Britney Spears has a stylist! Who knew? The poor soul is Britt Bardo, who is doing everything in her power to distance herself from Britney:
Britt Bardo, whose clients include the likes of Kate Hudson, Jennifer Lopez and Eva Mendes, was overheard telling folks that she’s not responsible for the look of the “Oops, I Did It Again” crooner, according to In Touch Weekly.
'Yes, I’ve done Britney Spears, but don’t blame me, okay?' Bardo said. 'I make her up and she just takes everything off and does her own thing.'
dealer stylist!
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Watch out Hollywood! The Beckham Brand is about to hit town. David Beckham has signed a five-year contract with the Los Angeles Galaxy of Major League Soccer, to start when he leaves Real Madrid.
"I am proud to have played for two of the biggest clubs in football and I look forward to the new challenge of growing the world's most popular game in a country that is as passionate about its sport as my own," he said in a statement released Today.
As we predicted at Rank & Bile David will also be teaching soccer skills to the kids of the
Hmm I’m sure David and Victoria were rather hoping to be invited to The Pitt’s house as guests rather than the hired help!
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Yvonne De Carlo has died. She was 84, the beautiful star who played Moses' wife in "The Ten Commandments" went on to have a film and Broadway career of some note, including a Tony for her dazzling performance in Stephen Sondheim’s “Follies” on Broadway in 1971. Despite her successful film and stage career, Yvonne will sadly, only, be remembered by most, for her portrayal of Lily Munster, in the long running comedy TV Show “The Munsters”
De Carlo died of natural causes Monday at the Motion Picture & Television facility in suburban Woodland Hills, She had been ill for some time following a stroke.
Rest in peace Yvonne De Carlo.
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Seems Lindsay Lohan isn’t gonna keep a little thing like an appendectomy keep her from partying. Despite only leaving hospital last Thursday Ho Han was partying as hard as ever over the weekend.
Which does make you wonder if the whole appendix thing isn’t a hoax according to some witnesses HoHan was partying hard Wednesday night then was in and out of hospital in a day and back to partying a day after that! Could this just be another excuse for her not wanting to turn up for work again?
Ho han is currently filming her new “stripper” film but the whole thing smacks of the controversy over her last movie when she was accused of partying to the point of hospitalisation and holding up filming. I guess she needed abetter excuse than the “exhaustion” one she used last time!
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Angelina Jolie and her team are back peddling furiously after last weeks attack on Her Madgesty. In an interview in Gala magazine, last Thursday, Jolie said of Madonna and her efforts to adopt 1-year-old David:
"Madonna knew the situation in
After the press had a filed day reporting on the apparent feud Angelina and her publicist quickly went into damage limitation mode:
"The article included many falsehoods," Jolie said in a statement on Monday. "I said many positive things that were omitted. I feel we must focus on the present and I encourage everyone to be supportive so that every child can adjust nicely to their new home. I have been horrified by the attacks she's been subjected to,"
Hmm that’s not what you were saying last week Angelina, when it was you doing the attacking!
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Congratulations to Alan Cumming and American graphic artist Grant Shaffer, who tied the knot on Saturday, in a civil ceremony at the Old Royal Naval College London. About 140 guests watched the couple swap vows and the celeb-studded guest list included Sir Ian McKellen, Geri Halliwell, Rufus Wainwright and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio.
The couple walked down the aisle to the theme song from 1994's Circle of Friends, Cumming's first big film, and then took to a nearby rented ice rink for a newlywed skate to the tune of Queen's "You're My Best Friend."
In a statement the newlyweds used the occasion to bash US policy on gay marriage claiming:
"Not only are we so happy to be able to celebrate our love for each other, but also to be able to do it in a country that properly recognizes the rights of same-sex couples. As residents of America we would have loved to marry there, but we hope that soon the civil rights that we have been afforded in the U.K. will be available to all gay Americans, and we look forward to celebrating not only our marriage, but the end of prejudice."
Good for you guys!
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Amy Winehouse, performed at G-A-Y on Saturday, but was a little worse for wear! After drunkenly, warbling her way through one ditty she staggered off stage to throw up!
Maybe someone put a mirror off stage and she caught site of her horrific brush with the eyeliner pencil! Fans were left to wondering if someone shouldn’t be trying a bit harder to make her go to Rehab! See Amy and her eyeliner in action below:
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Britney’s Camp are trying desperately to downplay her recent train wreck behaviour, Britney's manager, Larry Rudolph, told USA Today. "She understands what's going on right now, and she calls it her 'rocky moment." (Hmm surely that’s a typo and he meant month rather than moment!)
Meanwhile Britney has posted a letter on her website Britneyspears.com, saying “I know I've been far from perfect and the media has had a lot of fun exaggerating my every move, but I want you all to know that I love my fans so much, and I appreciate everything you have done for me, so Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!”
So basically the Spears camp are claiming that a solid month of flashing her bits, drink and drug fuelled partying, all of which ended with her collapsing on NYE, was just a “rocky moment” that the press have exaggerated. Oh well that’s alright then!
However it seems Britney’s record label Jive are not taking her behaviour so nonchalantly. Cindy Adams “Page Six” column this week claims far from seeing Britney’s behaviour as a “rocky moment” Jive may be viewing it as the end of the line for Princess Trailer Trash.
Execs at Jive are said to be furious that Britney is alienating her fan base with her antics and worse still are less than happy with the end results of her new album. Insiders believe the album will never hit shelves. "Like the rest of us," said the Page Six source, "Jive is done with Britney Spears." Looks like Britney better knuckle down ad start trying to win back some favour with her fans and her bosses and quick!
Little Miss Sunshine
Starring: , Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, Paul Dano, Steve Carell
This film shouldn’t work but somehow it does. Despite thoroughly un-likeable characters, a heroin taking grandfather, suicidal gay uncle and sullen and silent son. This dysfunctional family headed by Toni Collette and Greg Kinnear slowly worm their way into your affections as they head off on a disastrous road trip to enter their talent-less chubby daughter in a child beauty pageant. The whole cast are a brilliant ensemble but Toni Collette as the put upon mother gives deserves special mention, delivering the best performances of her career.
Along the way mayhem death and disaster are thrown in their direction only for them to triumph and really bond as a family. This is definitely one of the best comedies I’ve seen in along time with a truly funny and warm script, without the usual
Highly recommended.
An Inconvenient Truth
Starring: Al Gore
Al Gore does for global warming, what Michael Moore did for 9/11 in this fascinating documentary examining the real implications of our continuing abuse of the environment. A documentary/slide show performed by a losing politician might not sound like good viewing but the information is riveting and Gore’s passion and delivery makes you wonder how on earth he lost the presidency to
A must see documentary.
Brick
Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Emilie De Ravin
I watched this film on a recommendation but was slightly disappointed. Don’t get me wrong it’s a clever and stylish movie with a great script and I loved the idea of taking a teen mystery and giving it the look sound and feel of real noir thriller. My disappointment came because it just wasn’t as good as Mysterious Skin which also starred Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who was the main reason for my seeing this movie. As with Mysterious Skin, young Joseph completely dominates every scene he’s in. This charismatic young actor I predict is going to be a very big star indeed. I just dint think this was a vehicle worthy of his talents. I’m probably being too harsh, had I seen it before Mysterious Skin I’d have probably loved it! Judge for yourself just don’t expect it to rival Mysterious Skin.
See Rank & Bile's DVD recommendations at:
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Good grief! Lindsay Lohan is in the hospital again! Unlike her last few trips to hospital the party girl was not being treated for partying exhaustion, or drink & drugs asthma. This time Ho Han was diagnosed with appendicitis and as precaution doctors have performed an appendectomy.
Guess we won’t be seeing any more bikini shots of her for a little while. Maybe while they are in there they could do a liver transplant as hers has gotta be close to meltdown by now!
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Seems Britney’s is not content with just flashing her beaver now More magazine reports that little Miss Trailer Trash is to commission a nude statue of herself! Lordy is there enough clay in the world! Whilst a few years ago Britney was a superfit babe these days the partying , cheetos and childbirth have taken their toll. And despite being just 23 she’s a bloated mess.
Hmm maybe worth waiting till you can get back to the gym and are looking less like a bloated sow Britney?
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Reports are just coming in that Kate Moss and Pete Doherty finally tied the knot in Phuket (
Kate wore a white Galliano shift dress and Pete wore a black linen suit and pork pie hat.
Oh Kate what were you thinking? Penniless Pete will now have access to Kate’s reported £25m fortune and that’s gonna buy a whole lotta drugs!
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Britney Spears partying seems to finally catching up with her. Princess Trailer trash who had been booked by Pure in Caesar's Palace,
Britney’s camp are denying the story claiming she was just tired! This isn’t the first time she’s been the worse for wear whilst clubbing, only a week ago at
Come on Britney pull it together! It’s not a very good start to 2007 is it?
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John Cameron Mitchell's follow-up to his highly acclaimed debut, "Hedwig and the Angry Inch," is an entertaining dissection of the sexual mores of
Whilst the film has gained notoriety as the most sexually explicit film put on general release, the sex aside, there is still an engaging story told through likeable characters.
The cast who are pretty much all newcomers (no pun intended!) improvised much of the dialogue, which gives it a realistic feel and despite the main character, James (Paul Dawson), plotting his suicide for most of the film, this is essentially a feel good movie that leaves you with happy endings all round.
Watch out for the fabulous Justin Bond (aka Kiki of Kiki and Herb fame) who only just avoids stealing the whole film with a bravura performance as himself.
Highly recommended but not one for the kids!
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Stand aside Nicole Richie there is a new skinny bitch in town and she's even more emaciated than you!
Yes Mary Kate Olsen is now a reported 80lbs making Nicole at 85lbs look almost obese! Mary kate whos legs look like they may snap at any moment apparently has only 2" ankles...ewww!
The scary thing is even karen Carpenter only got as low as 83lbs before her untimely death from Anorexia.
For Gods sake eat something bitches!
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Nicole,
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It seems Michael Jackson has moved from Kiddies to Corpses .
Whacko Jacko was caught on camera practically devouring the copse of the late Godfather of Soul, James brown as he lay in state at New York's Apollo Theatre.
Well good news for Jacko I guess is that dead men, unlike children, tell no tales!
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Worst Celebrity Bandwagon
Orphans were the hot new accessory in 2006. Following legal adoptions by Meg Ryan, Sharon Stone and Ewan McGregor, Her Madgesty followed suit with her controversial adoption of a Malawian youngster as per usual once Madge did it the press went mad and a craze was born. Within a short space of time, practically every celebrity known to man, claimed they were going to do the same, with Britney, Angelina and Brad, Tyra Banks, Jessica Simpson, Renee Zellweger, Penelope Cruz and even Clay Aiken all jumping on the bandwagon and those that didn’t consider adopting made damn sure they had a least one photo- op with orphans in 2006!
Children are not just for publicity purposes enough already!
Worst Celebrity Fashion Trend
Beaver was definitely the new black for 2006 as countless female stars went commando and shocked the Paparazzi and fans alike. Lindsay Lohan was the first as she flashed her way through Europe and soon everyone from Paris, Pink and Courtney Love followed suit but the Queen of the Cooters was undoubtedly Britney Spears who paraded her tired old bald pussy all over Hollywood, in fact, for a while back then in December it seemed to be a daily and horrific occurrence.
Lordy! Girls do us all a favour in 2007 and get some bloody panties and learn to exit a car gracefully!
Worst Celebrity Substance Addiction
Well it’s been quite a year for Celebrities and their substances Fergie came clean about a crystal meth addiction whilst Nicole Richie did not!
But worse than all of these was the shocking revelation in February that Whitney Houston had become a toothless old crack whore. The only good thing is that Whitney can also be voted Comeback of the year as well; the diva ended the year looking great, free of crack and back in the studio. At least there was one celebrity happy ending in 2006.
Worst Celebrity Break Up
2006 was quite a year for celebrity splits! Whitney finally dumped Bobby as well as the crack. David Gest and Liza Minnelli’s divorce proceedings have proved longer lasting than their marriage, as suit and counter suit flew back and forth with Liza accusing David of poisoning her and David accusing Liza of giving him herpes! Jennifer Anniston went into denial claiming her and Vince were still together for a good two months after their split and Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock’s marriage lasted all of six weeks! Meanwhile in the UK the McCartneys employed Charles and Diana’s divorce lawyers and battle lines were drawn with Heather becoming so hated she received death threats.
But beating off all rivals was the split between Britney and K Fed and Britney’s classy dumping of K Fed by text and on national TV, has to be the celebrity split of the year!
Worst Dressed Celebrity
Well, it was quite a year for frock horrors in 2006 Britney’s necklines plunged and her skirts rose alarmingly and pretty much all of it made her look like a whitetrash ho. Sharon stone continued to frighten small children and fashionistas with her appalling dress sense. Following her lypo Janet (wardrobe malfunction)
But without a doubt the worst dressed celebrity of 2006 was Maria Scarey who squeezed her ever increasing frame into a series of hideous lycra numbers and cropped tops that would have looked better on a $5 hooker. Mariah holds the dubious honour of not having been seen in one decent outfit for the whole of 2006, no mean feat when you have a stylist and a whole hunk of cash to spend!
2006 was definitely the year of the DUI.
But the worst driver award is a tie between
Well that was our votes for 2006 worst celebrity trends. Heres looking forward to a whole new batch of celebrity madness in 2007
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The annual retail fest that is the Harrods Sale opened this week and in time honoured tradition owner Mohamed Al fayed bussed in a C List US Celebrity to open the proceedings!
This year it was the turn of desperate housewives "star" Eva Longoria who braved the icy weather In London arriving in an open horse drawn carriage to to do the honours. She even manged to smile for the photographers despite having two rabid looking dogs thrust upon her!
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Please God no! Britney Spears the Mommie Dearest of Pop is desperate to do a Madge and adopt an orphan. Princess Whitetrash has apparently fallen in love with a four-year-old boy called Wang, from
A source said: "She instantly wanted to help him and is sponsoring him until she can find out more. And she has even written to officials seeking advice. Hmm and the advice those officials should give is….You can’t even look after the poor kids you’ve got there’s no way we are going to let you have another one! But celebrity and money talk. So lets just hope she gets bored with the idea before it can be processed, still on the plus side next time she goes out partying every night, leaving the kids at home there’ll be 3 of them to keep each other company, while Mummy is out getting drunk and flashing her beaver all over town!
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Mike Tyson was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of drink and cocaine. Mike was stopped in
Looks like Mike could be back in the slammer again in the near future!
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The January issue of US Magazine, revels the depth of Jennifer Aniston’s insanity and denial it seems the dreary and frighteningly clingy and needy, friends "actress", is still not over Brad Pitt or being dumped again by Vince Vaughn.
Close friends of the Friends “star” say that her actions are becoming frightening and recent episodes have included:
On the effect of seeing pictures of baby
"she collapses in a heap, clutching her womb like she's been stabbed if she so much as passes a baby stroller on the street."
On how she deals with it:
"throwing baby dolls into a bonfire on the beach behind her place in 
Hey, there's a bright side:
"At least she's stopped watching 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith' over and over again, for days at a time without eating or sleeping. That just wasn't healthy."
Jeez! Woman give it up! It’s been two years already, you got dumped now get over it! Brad has more than moved on, time for you to do the same you crazy loon!
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Former Hunk of the Month and Rank & Bile favourite, John Barrowman married his long term (16 years!) partner this week in a ceremony in Cardiff, where the hunky star is currently in pantomime and filming the next season of Torchwood. Congratulations to John and Scott Gill.
Speaking of his gay “marriage” to the BBC, Barrowman commented: "It feels great.....It's been a long wait but we legitimised our relationship to each other a long time ago when we signed our mortgages together and this is just something that forces people who don't want to recognise it that they have to."
Rank & Bile only just resisted the temptation to turn up and sing “It should have been me” during the ceremony!
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You Tube is a bloggers dream especially when you can't be bothered to post much! There are some real gems on there so I thought I'd post some of my favourites each month.
This months favourite is the incomparable Ethel Merman butchering tomorrow from Annie! (also includes a pre surgery Michael Jackson in the same Sesame St episode!) Enjoy!
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Pans Labyrinth is a fairytale but most definitely not for children! It’s like the wizard of oz meets Rosemary’s Baby and whilst horror and fairytales may sound like a strange mix in the capable hands of director Guillermo del Toro it actually works.
The somewhat gruesome tail of renegades fighting in the Spanish civil war is the backdrop for the story of Orfelia (marvellously played by Ivana Baquero) a child torn between the brutal realities of the war which surrounds her and a fairytale world almost as brutal in the woods nearby.
Beautifully shot this dark and brooding tale grips you from the start and despite its orgy of violence is as uplifting as it is gory. Pans Labyrinth has been hailed as the best film of the year, whilst I wouldn’t go that far I would highly recommend it.
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The Godfather of soul passed away on Christmas day after being admitted to hospital suffering from pneumonia he was 73.
His body will be returned Thursday to the site of his debut - the legendary Apollo Theater in
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Whilst most of us spent our Christmas partying & over eating or slumped in front of the TV. Rank & bile looks at how some of our fave celebs spent their festive season.
Britney spent the holiday season lamenting the loss of yet another publicist, Sonia Muckle became the second to quit in just 3 months but then given The Trailer Trash Princess’s recent behaviour its hardly surprising! Oh well New Year new publicist!
Meanwhile in London Posh and her husband David Beckham along with their children spent a civilised Christmas at
In
Across the Atlantic, in far colder,
The only good thing about this outfit was that we were spared the sight of Miss Scarey’s cellulite as it was encased in industrial strength lycra.
The holiday must have been especially uncomfortable for the Botox Bride, Nicole Kidman although hubby Keith Urban was released from re-hab in time for the holidays his mistress chose Christmas to reveal to the world her sordid affair with Urban and adding the icing on Nicole’s Christmas Cake, by also revealing her affair with Urban continued long after he took up with Nicole!
While Nicole’s marriage may well be un-ravelling Kate Moss if rumours are to be believed, spent her Christmas planning a wedding as friends hinted to the press she is finally going to tie the knot with long term boyfriend Pete Doherty this week, in London. Let’s just hope Pete manages to stay clean, sober and not get arrested in the next few days! Kate and Pete are staying tight lipped and trying to avoid the press.
Over in LA one person definitely NOT trying to avoid the press was Lindsay Lohan who somewhat dramatically let herself be photographed at the airport, wearing a hospital wristband, prompting rumours of another suicide/cutting episode over the holiday season.
In case nobody got the, I’m a mixed up suicidal celebrity vibe, she was giving off, Lohan carried with her a Marilyn Monroe DVD to ram the point home. This cry for help was about as subtle as a brick!
Then just to make us all feel really bad about over indulging and forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie spent Christmas day giving out presents to orphaned, child, refugees in Costa Rica and meeting aid workers there as part of their goodwill work for UNICEF.
So how was your Christmas?
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Britney,
Kate and Pete,
Lohan,
Mariah Madness,
Posh
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Happy Holidays to all the Rank & Bile Readers. We will return after the holidays. In the meantime we leave you with this delightful Christmas ditty brought to you by The Wet spots!
Diane warren has expressed an interest in working with her and Clive Davis the man who made Whitney Houston a star has offered Leona a $10m record deal!
It seems its not only Clive who’s a fan sources revealed Whitney herself placed a call to Leona before the final "Whitney thought Leona was amazing and wished her good luck," says the source. Praise indeed form one Diva to another.
See Leona in action below.
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Divas,
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The British press are speculating on Victoria Beckham’s breasts. Did Emaciated Spice treat herself to another boob job for Christmas?
Boob job or not judging by the pictures it was certainly cold that day, in fact if she’s not careful those nipples will have someone’s eye out!
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Bad Surgery,
Posh
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Mariah carey took herself to Aspen this week dressed in one of her usually tasteful outfits! Decked in leggings and shades (despite the fact it was dark!) she squeezed herself into a kind of black puffa jacket which made her look like a demented zeppelin and proceeded to try and manouvre herself through the snow wearing high heels and carrying a glass of champagne... unfortunately she didn't slip up! Shame, cos nothing would have made my Christmas, more than seeing Mariah go (fat) arse over tit!
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Good heavens Pierce Brosnan is looking less oo7 these days and more 0070!
Pierce was said to have been disappointed at being dropped from the the James Bond movies after being told he was too old for the part.
Having seen the way he's ageing It's hardly a surprise! And these windswept pics of him in a rumpled shirt are certainly not the suave Bond like Pierce, we know and love, he looks like a Hawaiian wino!
Someone needs to get this man some Grecian 200 and quick!
P.S. Pierce a little bit of advice... stubble only looks good on a man before it goes grey!
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A big thank you to Lulu! Who treated us both to tickets to John Barrowman’s Christmas concert this week, at the Royal Festival Hall. We were lucky to get tickets as it was sold out long ago but ever resourceful Lulu managed to bag us two return tickets in the front row no less!
The impossibly handsome Mr Barrowman delighted a packed hall with two hours of songs from musicals past and present and his favourite Christmas songs. He was joined on stage by two of the
Despite having a somewhat Scrooge like attitude to the holiday season recently I was soon jolted out of my bah humbug mood and into the Christmas spirit as I sang along with the carols and listened to John Barrowman’s fabulous voice. Mr Barrowman can definitely sing… and act and is bloody good looking.... in fact he’s not far off perfect!
A fabulous festive evening one of the best shows I’ve seen this year. For those of you not lucky enough to have caught the show, the concert will be broadcast this Friday on BBC Radio2 at
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In an Interview with First Magazine Nancy Dell’Olio former Queen of the Hags Wags claims Posh is too thin and as a role model should fatten up. Well no arguments there but then Delusional Dell’Olio went on to claim she is angry her age has been reported as 46.
"I do not know where this comes from. I'm not 46, I am 43. I'm fabulous anyway, I know I look 20 years younger than I am,"
I want the same mirror this mad cow uses! Cos from where we are standing honey you look like a fifty year old drag queen!
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Nice to see that Britney Spears is as classy as ever and setting a wonderful example to the younger members of her family.
Little Miss Trailer Trash decided to treat her 16yr old kid sister, Jamie Lynn Spears, to a day out in
So where did they go? Lunch at the Ivy? Clothes shopping? A day at the Spa?..............
No! Britney hauled her little sis off to a downtown tattoo parlour to get her inked!
Mmm classy Britney classy!
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Britney,
Divas
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Tom Crusie announced his lucrative new production deal with United Artists just a few months ago and the world wondered what masterpiece will Tom put into production first? Well… wonder no more!
In a surreal piece of type-casting Victoria Beckham is set to star in Tom Cruise’s new Scientology film as an alien bride! “The Thetan” is based on the bizarre sci-fi cult, which believes in alien life forms and it’s founder Ron L Hubbard’s sci- fi writings.
Hmm Tom before putting “The Thetan” into production, you might wanna think back to "Battlefield Earth" the last scientology flick that was so dire, it almost destroyed the career of fellow cult member John Travolta and while your at it you might want to rent a copy of spice world and check out your leading lady’s disastrous lack of acting abilities!
How appropriate for the holiday season as this one has turkey written all over it!
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Joseph Barbera, one half of the team behind such cartoon classics as The Flintstones, Yogi Bear, Scooby-Doo and Huckleberry Hound, has died, aged 95.
With William Hanna, Barbera founded Hanna-Barbera in the 1950s, after the pair had earlier worked on the Tom and Jerry cartoons at MGM studios. Their 17-year partnership on the Tom and Jerry series resulted in seven Academy Awards and 14 nominations in total.
"Joe will live on through his work," said Warner Brothers chairman and chief executive Barry Meyer.
"The characters he created with his late partner, William Hanna, are not only animated superstars but also a very beloved part of American pop culture," Mr Meyer said.
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Nicole Richie may be going down if she is convicted of driving under the influence.
Nicole who was charged for the offence on Monday has a previous DUI charge and
Nicole was first arrested for DUI in 2002. She told police she had eaten French fries and drunk a shot of vodka. She was also charged with possession of heroin in 2003 but had the charges dropped after completing her probation.
Looks like Nicole could be spending some time in the slammer this time. Luckily Nicole is now so thin she can probably just lip through the bars!
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Dorian Gray had a portrait in the attic that got older and uglier as he remained youthful and gorgeous, in Hollywood the stars carry their portraits with them on the end of their wrists!
Almost every single fresh faced Hollywood star has hands that even their grandmother would be ashamed of.
Yes the plague of Zombie hands has reached epic proportions in Tinstletown and it seems the younger and more line free their faces are the worse the hands get!
It used to be said that you could tell the real age of a woman by her hands but in Hollywood there are girls in their 20’s sporting hands that wouldn’t look out of place on the crypt keeper!
The Queen of the Zombie hands set is undoubtedly Nicole Richie who at 24 has the hands of an eighty yr old woman! But even A listers like Nicole Kidman and Madge have hands like claws and most of it’s down to excessive dieting.
The irony is these bitches spend a fortune on getting their faces line free but are willing to go around with hands like withered shovels. Lordy!
Get some collagen injected or buy some damn gloves! Better yet try eating something and putting some damn meat on your bony old claws.
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So last night Mike and I went to see the always fabulous Kiki and Herb in their “Chritmas Happens” show at the Reindeer Theatre. What a great evening! Although Kiki herself described the Transistion from Broadway, to The Truman Brewery in London’s East End as her Come-down concert!
It’s a year since we last saw them in
Kiki was in fine form and old favourites like “Frosty The Snowman” and “Crucifying Jesus” brought the house down while the finale featuring her now legendary performance of “Total Eclipse Of The Heart” and Gnarls Barclay’s “Crazy” earned Kiki a well deserved standing ovation.
Lets just hope the rumoured retirement of the cabaret terrorists, is just that, a rumour because Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas without a festive offering from the fabulous Kiki and Herb
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It seems Her Madgesty's sense of humour deserted her at the Comedy awards in
"Congratulations on your little lovely black baby, David. Are you stopping there, or getting more? When I went to
To which a less-than-amused Madge replied: "You might go home with a black eye."
Oops! Looks like Madge won’t be appearing on The Jonathan Ross Show anytime soon!
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Divas,
Madge
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Paris Hilton was spotted on Maddison Ave in New York with some kind of white substance up her left nostril?
Hmm what on earth could that be? Well according to her rep:
"I can tell you Paris does not use narcotics. I would imagine it's something like whipped cream or a sugary substance from dessert, something that naturally might have found its way onto her face if she touched her nose or whatever. "I'd label it a stray dessert."
Hmm the only flaw in that particular argument is that fellow diners at Nellos where Paris had just had lunch with Brandon Davis claim the pair spent $2600! (yes $2600!) on a meal that included two Caesar Salads followed by two $1050 dishes of Kobe Steaks with white truffles and no dessert! Maybe her rep needs to speak to kate Moss rep then maybe he'll come up with something a little more plausible than the stray dessert theory!
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Just Say No,
Paris
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You Tube is a bloggers dream especially when you can't be bothered to post much! There are some real gems on there so I thought I'd post my favourite each month.
This months favourite courtesy of Guy is a home made video to the Dance mix of Alison Jear's Jerry Springer The Opera, show stopper, enjoy!
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