Sunday, December 31, 2006

The Rank & Bile Celebrity Worst Of 2006 Awards

Worst Celebrity Bandwagon

Orphans were the hot new accessory in 2006. Following legal adoptions by Meg Ryan, Sharon Stone and Ewan McGregor, Her Madgesty followed suit with her controversial adoption of a Malawian youngster as per usual once Madge did it the press went mad and a craze was born. Within a short space of time, practically every celebrity known to man, claimed they were going to do the same, with Britney, Angelina and Brad, Tyra Banks, Jessica Simpson, Renee Zellweger, Penelope Cruz and even Clay Aiken all jumping on the bandwagon and those that didn’t consider adopting made damn sure they had a least one photo- op with orphans in 2006!

Children are not just for publicity purposes enough already!

Worst Celebrity Fashion Trend

Beaver was definitely the new black for 2006 as countless female stars went commando and shocked the Paparazzi and fans alike. Lindsay Lohan was the first as she flashed her way through Europe and soon everyone from Paris, Pink and Courtney Love followed suit but the Queen of the Cooters was undoubtedly Britney Spears who paraded her tired old bald pussy all over Hollywood, in fact, for a while back then in December it seemed to be a daily and horrific occurrence.

Lordy! Girls do us all a favour in 2007 and get some bloody panties and learn to exit a car gracefully!

Worst Celebrity Substance Addiction

Well it’s been quite a year for Celebrities and their substances Fergie came clean about a crystal meth addiction whilst Nicole Richie did not! Pete Doherty and kate Moss became the Poster children for Class A. Paris was photographed with weed and George Michael lit up a spliff on TV. Keith Urban hit rehab for Cocaine and alcohol problems and Lindsay Lohan admitted in dabbling in drugs and being an alcoholic and Mel Gibson blamed his racism on alcohol and hit re hab in supposed remorse.

But worse than all of these was the shocking revelation in February that Whitney Houston had become a toothless old crack whore. The only good thing is that Whitney can also be voted Comeback of the year as well; the diva ended the year looking great, free of crack and back in the studio. At least there was one celebrity happy ending in 2006.

Worst Celebrity Break Up

2006 was quite a year for celebrity splits! Whitney finally dumped Bobby as well as the crack. David Gest and Liza Minnelli’s divorce proceedings have proved longer lasting than their marriage, as suit and counter suit flew back and forth with Liza accusing David of poisoning her and David accusing Liza of giving him herpes! Jennifer Anniston went into denial claiming her and Vince were still together for a good two months after their split and Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock’s marriage lasted all of six weeks! Meanwhile in the UK the McCartneys employed Charles and Diana’s divorce lawyers and battle lines were drawn with Heather becoming so hated she received death threats.

But beating off all rivals was the split between Britney and K Fed and Britney’s classy dumping of K Fed by text and on national TV, has to be the celebrity split of the year!

Worst Dressed Celebrity

Well, it was quite a year for frock horrors in 2006 Britney’s necklines plunged and her skirts rose alarmingly and pretty much all of it made her look like a whitetrash ho. Sharon stone continued to frighten small children and fashionistas with her appalling dress sense. Following her lypo Janet (wardrobe malfunction) Jackson got her new navel out at the drop of a hat and Posh’s emaciated frame was engulfed by ever more hideous outfits. Worst stylist of the year Rachel ZoĆ« managed to diet/deal her clients to such low weights that most of them were swamped by their size zero clothes

But without a doubt the worst dressed celebrity of 2006 was Maria Scarey who squeezed her ever increasing frame into a series of hideous lycra numbers and cropped tops that would have looked better on a $5 hooker. Mariah holds the dubious honour of not having been seen in one decent outfit for the whole of 2006, no mean feat when you have a stylist and a whole hunk of cash to spend!

Worst Celebrity Driver

2006 was definitely the year of the DUI. Paris was arrested for driving drunk so was Gus Van Saint and Britney was seen drink driving but not caught as well as being accused of endangering her baby in her car. A drunken Mel Gibson was arrested for driving while drunk and ranted racist abuse that nearly killed his career and Nicole Richie got arrested for driving under the influence of prescription drugs as did Mike Tyson who was under the influence of drink and cocaine.

But the worst driver award is a tie between George Michael who repeatedly fell asleep at the wheel of his car whilst stoned or in a K Hole and Lindsay Lohan who crashed cars all over Hollywood and in London in fact Lindsay had so many car crashes in 2006 that Rank & Bile lost count. For god’s sake guys get yourselves drivers in 2007!

Well that was our votes for 2006 worst celebrity trends. Heres looking forward to a whole new batch of celebrity madness in 2007

More Rank & Bile


Anonymous said...

Your remarks about adoption are off the wall. Both Meg Ryan and Ewan McGregor adopted their children BEFORE Madonna. And they both stuck to the law and waited for years. And neither of them used their kids or the adoption for publicity. If you want to rag on Madonna, or dumb people like Britney or Jessica Simpson, when it comes to adoption, that's fine, but don't accuse people who adopted because they truly love kids.

Anonymous said...

just a question but wasn't Clay Aiken actually ASKED about adopting in the Poeple Magazine article? he didn't bring it up. I also believe he stated once that If he were to adopt, he said there are plenty of poor, orphaned kids right here in the US to take care of.

Great blog, I agree with most of it. ok 98% of it for sure

Myles said...

Dear anonymous (I do wish people would leave names!)I have taken on board your comments about Meg Ryan & Ewan McGregor and changed my blog accordingly. Thank you for your feedbck.

Myles said...

Anonymous 2 Clay was asked by people but then went on to bring it up in other interviews later but one has to ask the question if this had'nt been the "trendy" thing to do in 2006:

A. would he have even been asked the question

B. Would he have given the same answer?

Anonymous said...

well Myles, anon2 here, I would hasten to say no , If the current fad of adopted children wasn't the "IN" thing to do he wouldn't be asked.
As to would his answer be the same? Only he could answer that, but given that he worked with both underprivilaged and disabled children at the YMCA long before he became a celebrity I wouldn't be suprised.

Myles said...

Anon 2 I bow to your superior knowledge of Mr Aiken who I'm sure had the best of intentions!
I mereley mentioned him as I had read reports of his desire to adopt