Pete Burns To Sue Surgeon! - Followed By Stylist?

Pete Burns, is suing his plastic surgeon for a reported £1m. Pete hired the surgeon to remove lip implants and the surgery didn’t go as planned. He’s now claiming that the messed up procedure

has ruined his career and life.

He said, “It has taken away my life and my career. I saw doctors in London who said the only option was to amputate my lips. I was suicidal.

“Eventually I found a doctor in Italy who knew the product and said he could remove it. I had 17 months of procedures and now I am back again having more.”

He has now had almost 100 procedures to correct the mess.

Pete said, “What happened to me after a series of injections was far worse than any nightmare I could have envisaged. Not only was it agonisingly painful but it was physically repulsive in the extreme. It was impossible to lead any life whatsoever. I was unable to leave my house as I was so distorted with swelling.

“At times it leaves me seriously suicidal and depressed and I could have problems for the rest of my life.”

Ouch! If that’s not a warning for anyone contemplating a trout pout I don’t know what is? Are you listening Melanie Griffiths?!!

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Did Posh Treat Herself To New Boobs For Christmas?

The British press are speculating on Victoria Beckham’s breasts. Did Emaciated Spice treat herself to another boob job for Christmas?

Well it certainly looks like it as she emerged to go shopping this week with a chest that wouldn’t look out of place on Jordan!

Boob job or not judging by the pictures it was certainly cold that day, in fact if she’s not careful those nipples will have someone’s eye out!

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Invasion Of The Hollywood Zombie Hands

Dorian Gray had a portrait in the attic that got older and uglier as he remained youthful and gorgeous, in Hollywood the stars carry their portraits with them on the end of their wrists!



Almost every single fresh faced Hollywood star has hands that even their grandmother would be ashamed of.

Yes the plague of Zombie hands has reached epic proportions in Tinstletown and it seems the younger and more line free their faces are the worse the hands get!








It used to be said that you could tell the real age of a woman by her hands but in Hollywood there are girls in their 20’s sporting hands that wouldn’t look out of place on the crypt keeper!







The Queen of the Zombie hands set is undoubtedly Nicole Richie who at 24 has the hands of an eighty yr old woman! But even A listers like Nicole Kidman and Madge have hands like claws and most of it’s down to excessive dieting.



The irony is these bitches spend a fortune on getting their faces line free but are willing to go around with hands like withered shovels. Lordy!












Get some collagen injected or buy some damn gloves! Better yet try eating something and putting some damn meat on your bony old claws.



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You Were Never Fuglier - Meg Ryan

Looks like Meg Ryan has joined the growing list of actresses who've reached a certain age and have a surgeon on speed dial and in this case someone needs to prize the phone from her hand!

Poor Old Meg who was oh so pretty once, now sports one of the worst trout pouts in Hollywood (even worse than Melanie griffith!) and whilst the bottom of her face is dropping faster than Britney's panties the top has been botoxed into oblivion.

Star Magazine published these pictures which show just how bad her descent into surgery madness has become and it's not pretty!

It wouldn't hurt if she invested in a decent haircut and a comb either. So come on Meg lay off the collagen and botox and get yourself a stylist. You look like a startled hamster!

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Nicol Kidman Is Skinny & Scarey!

It seems the Hollywood size zero club has a new member, Nicole Kidman. So much for recent rumours that she's pregnant! In Rome to promote her new film "Fur" Nicole showed off her new scrawny figure topped off with a face so full of botox she's starting to look like she really is from Stepford!

The problem with dieting within an inch of your life is that whilst you can botox away the scrawny face effect, you end up with the hands/claws of an 80 yr old. Just look at Nicole Richie's hands...not pretty! Little tip Nicole... when you strive to have the face of a 12yr old girl, putting your withered old hand anywhere near your face kinda ruins the effect!

Either lay off the botox or get some gloves!

















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Farrah Fawcett Battles Cancer

Seems Rank & Bile owes Farrah an apology after we gave her a You were never fuglier post and criticised her bad surgery, it seems the reason the former Charlie's Angels star has been looking tired and worn of late is that un-be known to her she has had cancer of the intestine and anus. Farrah got the news just after her triumphant comeback appearance at the Emmy's Arron Spelling tribute.

She now faces six weeks of gruelling radiation treatment.

Former lover Ryan O' Neal, who himself battled leukemia a few years ago is back at her side and helping her through it, as she was for him. ''She's so strong,'' he says. `I love her. I love her all over again. I was the first person she called when she was diagnosed. I love her, I've loved her for 25 years, and she knows that. Farrah is a fighter. The first thing she said to me was, 'I've got cancer.' The second thing she said was, 'I'm going to beat this.'

Good for you Farrah and the best of luck!

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Victoria Beckham To Give Up Singing - Music Lovers Around The World Rejoice!

Thank God Victoria Beckham is to finally stop flogging the dead horse that is her music career and has also nixed any idea of an acting career. Milions of music and movie fans will sleep more soundly tonight!

Beckham told Harper's Bazaar magazine:
I'm done with music and I'm never going to act,"

Unfortunately the world of fashion is still in for many more sleepless nights, as she also went on to say:
"Fashion is what I love. I've dreamed of doing my own clothing line from even before I was a Spice Girl. "Now I'm able to do what I love and I've found I'm really good at it."

Really good at fashion? How hard is to dial a stylist to come dress you? The question is will the Posh clothing line be available in anything above a size zero?

Judging by this picture of her new boob job, what she's really good at, is shoplifting canteloupes!

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Farrah Brings The Angels Together

The Aaron spelling tribute at this yar's Emmys brought out some of his programme's best known stars, with Dynasty bitches, Joan Collins and Heather Locklear introducing the tribute in front of an emotional Candy Spelling and a somewhat indifferent looking, Tori Spelling. Both were seated at opposite sides of the auditorium. So obviously that little feud is not going to be over any time soon!

The highlight of the tribute was the re-uniting of the original Charlie's Angels but apparently it nearly didn't happen, as another little feud between Kate Jackson and Jaclyn Smith is also still going strong.

According to an inside source, who spoke withFoxNews.com:"They were asked by the producers to participate, and it was very touch and go. Two of them aren't best buddies anymore, but it took Farrah to bring it all together and make it happen."

Well done Farrah for getting the Angels back together. It was good to see them again and compare their surgeries! Whilst Kate and Farrah have obviously, had the most and worst, work done. I have to hand it to Jaclyn Smith who looked fabulous, perhaps if they hadn't all fallen out Jaclyn might have let the other two know the number of her surgeon, cos God knows they could do with it!

Watch the Angels at The Emmys



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You Were Never Fuglier - Farrah Fawcett

The Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner this weekend brought out a bevvy of stars, including a totally wrecked Farrah Fawcett.

Lordy! what happened to Farrah?

The answer sadly, is 30 years and a whole lot of bad surgery! As this other picture all too graphically shows.


The former Charlie's Angel looks like hell!

Not only is her face ravaged she 's sporting one of the worst cases of celebrity B.I.L.E (botox induced lazy eye) ever seen.

What a shame! There was a time when she was the most beautiful woman in Hollywood.

Hell! even I fancied her! Ok maybe thats an exageration, but I did want her hair!

For Gods sake Farrah lay off the surgery!

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Celebrity Surgery Round-Up

Following last weeks pictures showing Babs Streisand looking pretty wrecked, Several web sites (Perez Hilton and Dlisted you know who you are!) have been showing these pictures of Barbra leaving the Lasky clinic in a loony bee keepers outfit and claiming (erroneously) she’s rushed out, this week and had some work done on her face.

In fact these pictures are from 2003 which begs the question isn’t she due a refund?!

In further surgery news this week the newly Lypo’d Janet Jackson has been showing of her new abs yet again. This time on the cover of Vibe magazine. Now I’m sure Janet is very proud of her newly svelte self but enough already! We don’t have to see her stomach in every picture! As someone who’s just had the same procedure done I have resisted the temptation to lop the bottom of every top I own and display my stomach at every opportunity Miss Jackson put it away! You’re thin! We get the message!

To round off our knifestyles of the rich and famous post, that huge fan of plastic surgery, Marie Osmond, a woman with a surgeon on speed dial, if her stunned trout look is anything to go by. Has according to The National Enquirer attempted suicide which just goes to show that surgery doesn’t necessarily make you happy.

I’ll leave you with a before and after picture of Kenny Rogers courtesy of City Rag. If that’s not a warning about too much surgery? I don’t know what is!

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You Were Never Fuglier - Barbra Streisand

Oh my God! What the hell happened to Babs! You're not looking so "Evegreen" here honey. These pictures taken of her inspecting the building site of her new home, are truly frightening, it looks like it's Babs who needs the major renovations.

Now let's be honest, she's never been the prettiest of gals but really! There's no excuse for looking like this. She's going to start frightening small children if she doesn't do something soon . Judging by the size of her she's eaten a few already!

I may be the first to mock those who go too far with plastic surgery but there are certain people who could do with a little bit of work doing, or in this case a whole lot of work!


Babs sort it out! You look a fright!

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You Were Never Fuglier - Paula Abdul

Gravity has not been kind to Miss Abdul and neither it would appear has her plastic surgeon, who has given her, quite possibly, the worst boob job in Hollywood. You could drive a truck through that cleavage!

Mind you Paula's not exactly helping herself by putting her botched up boobs on display and lets face it at her age every woman could do with a bit of shoring up.

So Paula go get yourself a bra and while your at it, burn that monstrous frock!

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Rank & Bile Has Been Reduced!

Inspired by the recent dramatic weight loss of Janet Jackson and not wishing to stoop to the levels of mad old Mariah Scarey, who recently appeared in public with a perfect six pack drawn onto her stomach! I have just returned from the clinic after a brush with the surgeon's vacuum!

Yes Rank & Bile has been reduced!

Lordy! but you were so slim and gorgeous before I hear you cry? Ok maybe not!

Well needs must when your hurtling towards 40 and reachingMonserrat Caballe proportions and as Joan Rivers says " I dont exercise. If God had meant me to bend over he'd have put diamonds on the floor" and having exhausted every fad diet known to man, with the exception of the Kate Moss Class A plan, it only left one option. Hippo Suction!

And here is the offending fat to prove it - 2 litres of the darn stuff to be precise! (Those of a nervous disposition should look away now if they ever want to be able to drink a smoothie again!)

A word of caution dear readers:
Firstly, when they tell you the pain is minimal, its a lie! I feel like I've been kicked by a horse! The mystery of Shergar is finally solved, He's alive and well and working in a clinic in Brussels! Only one of Naomi Campbell's maids could be more bruised and battered!
Secondly, the words "you may experience some wound leakage" are a severe understatement. Despite my friend Mike's best efforts, using all available towels. I left a hotel room in Brussels looking like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. We left the hotel with the screams of an unsuspecting maid ringing in our ears.

So was it worth it ? I'll let you know in 4 weeks when the swelling has subsided and I can take of the Rocky Horror girdle I have to wear till then!

Looking Fabulous is never easy!

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B.I.L.E. - Celebrity Botox Abuse

A very good friend of mine is currently suffering from a very bad case of B.I.L.E. and no I don’t mean stomach acid. I am of course referring to that peculiarly 21st Century affliction Botox Induced Lazy Eye.



Ironically Botox was first developed to help cure lazy eye and twitches, however if you suffer neither of these afflictions and insist on going into Cher-like Botox overload it has the opposite effect causing one eye to look half closed and smaller than the other or even causing twitching. Not pretty! Your forehead is perfectly smooth but you look like you have Bell’s Palsy!

Now I'm sure most of you dear readers have probably suffered from this awful ailment at some point or another and to put my friends mind at risk I Ihave posted a few pictures of alleged Celebrity B.I.L.E sufferers. Including recent victim Mariah Scarey. (City Rag)

Celebrity B.I.L.E. or just winking? You Decide.

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Nicole Kidman - Botox Bride

Australia is preparing for the glare of the worlds press as this weekend sees the wedding of Nicole Kidman to Keith whatever his name is?

Like any bride to be Nicole has been rushed off her feet with preparations but managed to squeeze in 3 photo ops in as many days firstly allowing herself to be snapped with her adopted kids for the first time in 2 years! Then descending on a children’s hospital with her family in tow (another great photo op) and then posing for the paparazzi and even leaving beer outside of her home for them. Now call me cynical, and many have, but does all this not smack, just a little, of attention seeking?

Maybe Nicole is a little jealous of the press coverage former hubby/gay dwarf Tom has managed to squeeze out of the arrival of his precious Tomkitten? Maybe I’m being too harsh? And love has mellowed her and her hatred of the press? …..Yeah right!

So what of the wedding?
Well apparently preparations include, invites to a horde of Celebs including Russel Crowe Naomi Watts and Renee Zellwegger, the dress has been ordered from Balenciaga the catering arranged with Luke Mangan and last but not least the bride has been Botoxed within an inch of her life! (if this weeks pics are anything to go by)

Well best of luck Nicole here’s wishing you a happy day lets just hope the botox has slackened off enough so you can actually say I do!

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You Were Never Fuglier - Faye Dunaway

Now I’m a huge fan of Faye Dunaway but honey stop with the surgery! What the hell happened to you?

Now I’m sure it must be real hard getting older in Hollywood, especially when you were considered one of its great beauties, but is this really the answer?

Lordy! Those teeth look like they could chew through furniture (or scenery at least) she looks like a startled pony! and why oh why, cant these old girls learn that there’s a name for older women who still have long hair and that name is HAG!


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You Were Never Fuglier - Cher

This regular part of my blog is just a poor excuse to post my favourite funny/awful pictures of celebrities at their worst! Some are new and some are old favourites....enjoy!






This is an old classic! Cher pictured whilst filming the Video for her hit, Song for the Lonely. Inevitably it prompted such classic headlines as: Cher can't turn back time! and in one UK magazine Cher's Face Collapses! Well Im not sure I'd go that far but its certainly not Cher at her best!

Hide the Mars Bars!

So yesterday I popped along to my usual clinic to have a little more Clostridium botulinum bacterium shot into my face .....thats BOTOX® to you people. What!? You think I look this good naturally?!
I used to use a fabulous man in Harley St, who also worked on a couple of minor Royals and two pretty well known Australian singing sisters, but he was always so fully booked you couldnt get in, so I switched. I was beginning to think my current clinic was completely celebrity free till yesterday I spied a certain older 60's rock chick on her way in, although having had a good look at her Im not sure if she hasnt put me off BOTOX® for life!

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You Were Never Fuglier- Burt Reynolds

This regular part of my blog is just a poor excuse to post my favourite funny/awful pictures of celebrities at their worst! Some are new and some are old favourites....enjoy!

Burt Reynolds or Crocodile Handbag?

Burt Burt Burt! What the hell happened to you? You look like a lizard in a wind tunnel thats got a brillo pad on its head!

For Pity's sake lay off the surgery !

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