Lindsay Lohan & Her Decimated Liver Check Into Rehab

Well it’s hardly a surprise but Lindsay Lohan has checked herself and her decimated liver into Rehab. At only 20 it’s pretty sad that things have to come to this but Lindsay remains up-beat releasing the following statement:

"I have made a proactive decision to take care of my personal health. I appreciate your well wishes and ask that you please respect my privacy at this time."

Ironically the man who originally branded her “Firecrotch” Brandon Davis the beached whale oil heir was instrumental in persuading Lindsay to check herself into The Wonderland treatment centre in Los Angeles.

Let’s just hope she stays in there for a bit and gets well. Unlike Nicole Richie and her Rehab spell that saw her out clubbing almost straight away!

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Lindsay Lohan Is Photo-Shopped To Death

Good grief now I’m all for a bit of airbrushing here and there, hell! I’ve even taken the Photoshop blur tool to a few of my own pics in the past but there is a limit. Lindsay Lohan appears as the new face of Miu Miu and what on earth were they thinking? I really don’t see the point in making a “celebrity” the face of your ad campaign if you are going to airbrush the out of all recognition!

There’s no way I would have guessed it was Ho Han from this shot, especially when you compare it with this candid shot form the Golden Globes last week, where Lindsay, looked like her partying, operation and decimated liver are well and truly catching up with her!

Jeez! Is there any of the original photo left in that ad!

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Lindsay Lohan's Liver Ready To Call It Quits

It seems Rank & Bile spoke to soon when we jokingly said doctors should have replaced Lindsay Lohan’s Liver while they were conducting her appendectomy. According to The National Enquirer, when Lindsay Lohan was in the hospital to have her operation, her blood work showed that Lindsay's liver enzymes are "extremely elevated," and she has now been warned she may die, if she doesn't stop drinking.

"The appendectomy was routine, but what doctors discovered in her blood work was not," a source close to the actress told The Enquirer.

"Lindsay's liver panel shows her drinking is taking a terrible toll on her health. Her liver enzymes are extremely elevated, and doctors warned her if she doesn't quit boozing she could die!" In addition to the raised enzymes, the levels of protein in her liver were shockingly low — so low her doctors "couldn't believe she was even walking around," said an insider.

Good grief the girl is only 20 and already she’s a broken down drunk with a clapped out liver! How much is she knocking back for Gods sake? Even Larry Hagman’s sozzled old liver lasted him until he hit 65!

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Lindsay Lohan Out Clubbing Before The Anaesthetic Even Wore Off

Seems Lindsay Lohan isn’t gonna keep a little thing like an appendectomy keep her from partying. Despite only leaving hospital last Thursday Ho Han was partying as hard as ever over the weekend.

Which does make you wonder if the whole appendix thing isn’t a hoax according to some witnesses HoHan was partying hard Wednesday night then was in and out of hospital in a day and back to partying a day after that! Could this just be another excuse for her not wanting to turn up for work again?

Ho han is currently filming her new “stripper” film but the whole thing smacks of the controversy over her last movie when she was accused of partying to the point of hospitalisation and holding up filming. I guess she needed abetter excuse than the “exhaustion” one she used last time!

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Lohan Hospitalised Again

Good grief! Lindsay Lohan is in the hospital again! Unlike her last few trips to hospital the party girl was not being treated for partying exhaustion, or drink & drugs asthma. This time Ho Han was diagnosed with appendicitis and as precaution doctors have performed an appendectomy.

Guess we won’t be seeing any more bikini shots of her for a little while. Maybe while they are in there they could do a liver transplant as hers has gotta be close to meltdown by now!

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The Rank & Bile Celebrity Worst Of 2006 Awards

Worst Celebrity Bandwagon

Orphans were the hot new accessory in 2006. Following legal adoptions by Meg Ryan, Sharon Stone and Ewan McGregor, Her Madgesty followed suit with her controversial adoption of a Malawian youngster as per usual once Madge did it the press went mad and a craze was born. Within a short space of time, practically every celebrity known to man, claimed they were going to do the same, with Britney, Angelina and Brad, Tyra Banks, Jessica Simpson, Renee Zellweger, Penelope Cruz and even Clay Aiken all jumping on the bandwagon and those that didn’t consider adopting made damn sure they had a least one photo- op with orphans in 2006!

Children are not just for publicity purposes enough already!

Worst Celebrity Fashion Trend

Beaver was definitely the new black for 2006 as countless female stars went commando and shocked the Paparazzi and fans alike. Lindsay Lohan was the first as she flashed her way through Europe and soon everyone from Paris, Pink and Courtney Love followed suit but the Queen of the Cooters was undoubtedly Britney Spears who paraded her tired old bald pussy all over Hollywood, in fact, for a while back then in December it seemed to be a daily and horrific occurrence.

Lordy! Girls do us all a favour in 2007 and get some bloody panties and learn to exit a car gracefully!

Worst Celebrity Substance Addiction

Well it’s been quite a year for Celebrities and their substances Fergie came clean about a crystal meth addiction whilst Nicole Richie did not! Pete Doherty and kate Moss became the Poster children for Class A. Paris was photographed with weed and George Michael lit up a spliff on TV. Keith Urban hit rehab for Cocaine and alcohol problems and Lindsay Lohan admitted in dabbling in drugs and being an alcoholic and Mel Gibson blamed his racism on alcohol and hit re hab in supposed remorse.

But worse than all of these was the shocking revelation in February that Whitney Houston had become a toothless old crack whore. The only good thing is that Whitney can also be voted Comeback of the year as well; the diva ended the year looking great, free of crack and back in the studio. At least there was one celebrity happy ending in 2006.

Worst Celebrity Break Up

2006 was quite a year for celebrity splits! Whitney finally dumped Bobby as well as the crack. David Gest and Liza Minnelli’s divorce proceedings have proved longer lasting than their marriage, as suit and counter suit flew back and forth with Liza accusing David of poisoning her and David accusing Liza of giving him herpes! Jennifer Anniston went into denial claiming her and Vince were still together for a good two months after their split and Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock’s marriage lasted all of six weeks! Meanwhile in the UK the McCartneys employed Charles and Diana’s divorce lawyers and battle lines were drawn with Heather becoming so hated she received death threats.

But beating off all rivals was the split between Britney and K Fed and Britney’s classy dumping of K Fed by text and on national TV, has to be the celebrity split of the year!

Worst Dressed Celebrity

Well, it was quite a year for frock horrors in 2006 Britney’s necklines plunged and her skirts rose alarmingly and pretty much all of it made her look like a whitetrash ho. Sharon stone continued to frighten small children and fashionistas with her appalling dress sense. Following her lypo Janet (wardrobe malfunction) Jackson got her new navel out at the drop of a hat and Posh’s emaciated frame was engulfed by ever more hideous outfits. Worst stylist of the year Rachel Zoë managed to diet/deal her clients to such low weights that most of them were swamped by their size zero clothes

But without a doubt the worst dressed celebrity of 2006 was Maria Scarey who squeezed her ever increasing frame into a series of hideous lycra numbers and cropped tops that would have looked better on a $5 hooker. Mariah holds the dubious honour of not having been seen in one decent outfit for the whole of 2006, no mean feat when you have a stylist and a whole hunk of cash to spend!

Worst Celebrity Driver

2006 was definitely the year of the DUI. Paris was arrested for driving drunk so was Gus Van Saint and Britney was seen drink driving but not caught as well as being accused of endangering her baby in her car. A drunken Mel Gibson was arrested for driving while drunk and ranted racist abuse that nearly killed his career and Nicole Richie got arrested for driving under the influence of prescription drugs as did Mike Tyson who was under the influence of drink and cocaine.

But the worst driver award is a tie between George Michael who repeatedly fell asleep at the wheel of his car whilst stoned or in a K Hole and Lindsay Lohan who crashed cars all over Hollywood and in London in fact Lindsay had so many car crashes in 2006 that Rank & Bile lost count. For god’s sake guys get yourselves drivers in 2007!

Well that was our votes for 2006 worst celebrity trends. Heres looking forward to a whole new batch of celebrity madness in 2007

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Celebrities At Christmas - Rank & Bile Round Up

Whilst most of us spent our Christmas partying & over eating or slumped in front of the TV. Rank & bile looks at how some of our fave celebs spent their festive season.

Britney spent the holiday season lamenting the loss of yet another publicist, Sonia Muckle became the second to quit in just 3 months but then given The Trailer Trash Princess’s recent behaviour its hardly surprising! Oh well New Year new publicist!

Meanwhile in London Posh and her husband David Beckham along with their children spent a civilised Christmas at London Hotel Claridges. Where they stayed after a mammoth Christmas Eve shopping spree that almost emptied Old bond St.

In Barbados what on first glance appeared to be two beached whales actually turned out to be Simon Cowell and Michael Winner enjoying some Christmas sunshine. If his man boobs are anything to go by Simon appears to have celebrated his X Factor triumph with Leona Lewis by eating everything in sight!

Across the Atlantic, in far colder, Aspen, Mariah Carey continued to terrorise the locals with her fashion sense and appeared bundled up in some kind of wool Osama Bin Laden meets Barbarella outfit, as she trawled the shops of Aspen, presumably looking for something else hideous to wear!

The only good thing about this outfit was that we were spared the sight of Miss Scarey’s cellulite as it was encased in industrial strength lycra.

The holiday must have been especially uncomfortable for the Botox Bride, Nicole Kidman although hubby Keith Urban was released from re-hab in time for the holidays his mistress chose Christmas to reveal to the world her sordid affair with Urban and adding the icing on Nicole’s Christmas Cake, by also revealing her affair with Urban continued long after he took up with Nicole!

While Nicole’s marriage may well be un-ravelling Kate Moss if rumours are to be believed, spent her Christmas planning a wedding as friends hinted to the press she is finally going to tie the knot with long term boyfriend Pete Doherty this week, in London. Let’s just hope Pete manages to stay clean, sober and not get arrested in the next few days! Kate and Pete are staying tight lipped and trying to avoid the press.

Over in LA one person definitely NOT trying to avoid the press was Lindsay Lohan who somewhat dramatically let herself be photographed at the airport, wearing a hospital wristband, prompting rumours of another suicide/cutting episode over the holiday season.

In case nobody got the, I’m a mixed up suicidal celebrity vibe, she was giving off, Lohan carried with her a Marilyn Monroe DVD to ram the point home. This cry for help was about as subtle as a brick!

Then just to make us all feel really bad about over indulging and forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie spent Christmas day giving out presents to orphaned, child, refugees in Costa Rica and meeting aid workers there as part of their goodwill work for UNICEF.

So how was your Christmas?

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Britney - The Backlash Begins

The new sport in Hollywood is Britney bashing at the moment and Britney isn’t doing herself any favours either, adding fuel to the fire are recent reports she left a restaurant with a wine glass still in her hand and got into her car and drove to nightspot Hyde along with widespread gossip about frequent trips to nightspot toilets for pill popping and who knows what else.

Bette Midler waded into the fray calling Britney and Ho Han “Sluts” and Courtney love criticised her decision to go partying every night when she has kids at home claiming "Say what you will about me, and I'm not passing judgment, but when I had my daughter, I stayed home with her almost every night for the first year of her life." Now if that isn’t pot calling the kettle black I don’t know what is!

In another case of Hollywood hypocrisy Ho Han herself had a pop at Britney’s parenting skills! You’d have though she’d have been glad Britney’s beaver knocked her own drinking problems off the tabloid front pages.

Even Britney herself has admitted her recent spate of beaver flashing antics may have gone a bit too far speaking on her official website britneyspears.com Little Miss Whitetrash admitted….I probably did take my new found freedom a little too far”

Errr just a bit Britney! However the good news is she also went on to praised the new line of Victoria Secret, Lingerie in the statement, lets just hope she actually starts wearing some of it in the future!

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Lindsay Lohan Admits She Has Drinking Problem - Who Knew?

Lindsay Lohan’s rep and her mother have confirmed the rumours about the starlet attending AA meetings are true. Hardly a surprise when we keep seeing pictures of her staggering out of clubs looking like shit and she crashes her car every other day!

Dina Lohan said it was a "positive" step for the 20-year-old, who earlier this year was blasted by a movie boss for turning up late for work, or not at all. Her rep went on to say "She's been attending some meetings and it's going to be a slow process.”This is a positive."

Hmm I guess they didn’t have much choice about making the announcement after Lohan herself admitted she had a problem, at this week's, GQ Man Of The Year Awards, when she told a reporter that she overdosed in mid-November. Going on to explain that she had been partying ("of course I'm going to drink") and a doctor was called, but the story was exaggerated. She said she was no "Marilyn Monroe overdosing in the bathroom."

Hmm well you got that right Lindsay you are definitely no Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn may have overdosed but the similarities end there. Monroe was actually a talented actress at the height of her fame and popularity rather than a C list drunk with a couple of lousy films under her belt. I’m sure no one ever had to ask of Marilyn, What exactly is she famous for? Either.

Seems Lohan couldn’t keep her mouth shut at the GQ awards she told another reporter that recent pictures of her with Britney Spears were less about friendship and more about “a photo-op…”were not friends. You know how it is” she shrugged. Lordy! Where’s her publicist when she needs her?

Hmm little tip Lindsay, if your publicity people help you to get some great front page coverage by setting up a photo-op with you and Britney as new best friends, probably best not to go telling the press that it’s just a set up!

The funny thing is, according to reports Ho Han was guzzling Champagne at the GQ awards, so either AA isn’t going so well or it’s yet another publicity Stunt!

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Britney & Her Beaver Nearly Crash The Internet - Enough Already!

Britney Spears has had a quite a week, she's stumbled from club to club every night in a drunken stupor airing her bits along the way for all to see, with new BFF Paris Hilton in tow and even on one occasion with Lindsay Ho Han tagging along too.

Not only did this give paps the pics of a lifetime as they managed to catch all three of the holy trinity of skanks together

Its also done wonders for websites around the world as millions have gone trawling the net for pics of Britney’s nether regions.

Even Rank & Bile saw its normally sedate 200ish page views jump to over 700 as people scoured its pages for Britney’s bits! Perez Hilton’s site saw his hits top the 3 million mark and at one point it looked like Britney’s beaver might actually bring the whole bloody internet crashing down!

So why are Britney and Paris so inseperable? Surely Paris isn’t trying to get extra publicity? (Have you noticed Paris looks quite together in all the pics while Britney is a sodden pantie-less mess) No apparently Little Miss Trailer Trash rep says that “Britney really looks up to older Paris” The trouble is she’s looking up at Paris from a gutter she fell in drunk, with her her skirt up and her panties off for all the paparazzi to see.

So Britney enough is enough! Put it away now, whilst everyone applauded your decision to offload K Fed it’s all starting to look a little sad now.

We don’t need to see The Princess of Pop with her gusset out and drunk in a gutter every night. While Paris Hilton looks on and soaks up the attention.
Pull yourself together and buy some bloody panties, you’re a mother of two for goodness sake and stop inflicting Parasite Hilton on your poor kids!

Click here to see the uncensored pics (not for the fainthearted!)

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Car Crash of The Month - Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Pantie-less Lohan is quite literally our car crash of the month as yet again she’s had a mishap at the wheel of her car this is about the 4th this year! Someone get this girl a driver! Her and George Michael have gotta be up for worst celebrity driver of the year and probably for the exact same reasons!

This time Ho Han hit a police car in London with her Range Rover whilst out partying With Calum Best.

Between her and George Michael the streets of London are rapidly becoming death traps!) It’s also less than a month since her last mishap in her Mercedes when she collided with another vehicle after partying at nightspot “Hyde”.

HoHan’s driving and her nasty tendency to go commando when there are paparazzi around, isn’t the only cause for alarm, whilst in London, she has been spotted sporting what look like scratches and scars on her wrists?

A quick trawl through her recent photos reveal an alarming number of bandages/camouflage around the wrist area as well as further scarring, prompting many to suspect she may be self harming. Hardly surprising when you are seeing Calum Best!

If I was dating that particularly loathsome lothario, I’d have suicidal tendencies too!



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Boos All Round At The World Music Awards

Little Lindsay Ho Han got a less than rapturous reception at Last night’s World Music Awards Lindsay who was hosting the awards was met with loud boos every time she appeared on stage and then proceeded to fall down a set of back stage stairs, bruised and battered by both the fall and the crowd Lindsay beat a hasty retreat and gave up as host half way through the event.

If you thought Ho-han got a rough ride it was nothing compared to the night’s headliner Michael Jackson.



Despite costing the organisers a whopping £300,000 for just one song, Wacko dressed in what looked like one of La Toya’s old wigs and some very dodgy slap, warbled his way through one line of “We are the world” badly off key and left the rest of the song to a bunch of very brave children who volunteered to share the stage with him.

Given that some fans had queued all night one line wasn’t going to cut it and he was loudly booed by the disappointed fans.

Considering the quality of his performance I think he was lucky to get out alive!

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London Invaded By Plague Of Un-Wanted Visitors

Londoners are afraid to go out at the moment as a nasty plague of air heads, heiresses and tabloid whores seems to have descended on the capital. These pests known as Lohans, Hiltons Beyonce’s and Simpsons are everywhere and Londoners are advised to avoid them at all costs as many of them carry nasty diseases.

Scientists believe these creatures have been drawn to London from their native habitat of North America by a freak phenomena that takes place every few years at Earls Court (The World Music Awards) and by the presence in the capital of their Queen Bee (Wacko Jacko) who landed last week and built a nest at the Hempel Hotel, even the Royal Premiere of Casino Royale wasn’t safe as Dame Judi Dench found to her cost on Tuesday, when one of the nasty invaders buzzed around her as she stood on the red carpet.

Luckily Dame Judi managed to remain serene as always despite the attack. Experts warn the creatures are strangely drawn to glitter and lights especially at night and Londoners are advised to be extra vigilant in these kinds of areas.

The good news is that experts predict that as soon as the Queen Bee begins her migration the other minor drones will follow suit and London will be pest free again.

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Nicole Lindsay & Mischa The Week-End From Hell

It’s not been a good weekend for Rachel Zoe’s addicts….erm sorry clients, first came pictures of Mischa Barton last week sobbing in her car? Maybe she gained a pound or kept a meal down by mistake?

Then this weekend Lindsay HoHan was spotted early morning in LA having a sort of paranoid freak out in her car. Lindsay claimed she was being followed and had been for hours, by people trying to run her off the road and kill her.

Ironically she had been partying earlier with Nicole Richie who apparently collapsed at nightspot Hyde also in the early hours and was carried by friends, out of the club. Whatever they were “drinking” make mine a double!

Hmm so much for Nicole’s re-hab how long did that last? Two days?

Get these girls some help!

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Lindsay Lohan Loves Notting Hill - There Goes The Neighborhood

Be afraid be very afraid. Lindsay Lohan is planning to move to London!

She has been house hunting in Notting Hill (well there goes that neighborhood!) Ho-han is quoted in The Daily Mail as saying “I just love Notting Hill it has some really cool shops and great restaurants, I’ve been looking at some properties while I’ve been here and we’re hoping to buy something soon. I can see me and Harry [Morton, her boyfriend] really fitting in there.”

Hmm well I’m not sure about fitting in here given that she was rushed to hospital twice this weekend, with a fractured wrist, this is the 5^th time this year she's been rushed to hospital!

She might bear in mind waiting queues in London hospitals for accident and emergency rooms (ER to those of you over the pond) are about 5 hours minimum!

She might also like to bear in mind if she keeps flashing her gusset to all and sundry, we actually have a law against that kind of thing!

Not that I’m trying to put her off…….honest!

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Lindsay Lohan's Pussy Continues World Tour

OMG the girl just can’t keep her gusset to herself, not content with flashing half of Venice Lindsay Ho Han is at it again. This time her tired old pussy got an outing in London.

Now I’m all for showcasing your talents... but really!

Buy some pants & put it away! It’s not big and it’s not clever!

Click Here for the uncensored picture (not recommended for those who have just eaten!)

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Lindsay Lohan Recovers Her Stash

Lindsay Ho-Han is celebrating the return of her hideous handbag which was stolen at Heathrow Airport last week. Looking at the orange Hermes Birkin monstrosity you’d have thought she’d have been glad to see the back of it!

However, the tacky luggage had Ho Han’s drugs (for her asthma allegedly!) and a $1m stash of jewellery in it. No wonder the she was in tears when she discovered it missing.

The good news is the bag has been returned, the bad news it was rescued by “Mr. Paparazzi” Darryn Lyons! (Shown here returning the bag). Looks like she’s going to be posing for a hell of a lot of pics in the next few weeks!

It seems this isn’t the only episode of memory loss for Ho-Han recently as well as losing her stash…err sorry bag, it looks like she forgot something else on her recent trip to Venice!

Click here to see (not for the faint hearted)

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