Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Terror Alert - 80's Divas In Danger

Whilst Britain remains on high terror alert it seems the world’s most wanted terrorists have a new target in their sights. Western infidels have been replaced by 80’s Divas as their number one targets!

First comes the news that Osama Bin Laden is obsessed by Whitney Houston! To the point of wanting to have her husband Bobby Brown assassinated! The suggestion is made by Sudanese poet and novelist Kola Boof, who claims she was bin Laden's sex slave "He explained to me that to possess Whitney he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives”

"Whitney Houston's name was the one that would be mention constantly.

"How beautiful she was, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women's husbands killed."

Well I guess if you’ve been holed up in an Afghan cave for a couple of years with a bunch of other dirty hairy terrorists even a toothless old crack ho like Whitney looks good!

Then comes the news that Madonna has been threatened with the kidnapping of her and her family, by Russian gangsters if she goes ahead with a planned concert there! Despite her chanting for Chenobyl the Russians apparently don’t want the Moscow concert of her Confessions tour to go ahead, and are willing to go to extreme lengths to stop her. They have even sent her management a series of sinister warnings that Madonna and her two kids could be kidnapped.

However, despite her hubby and tour manager Chris Lamb being worried sick, Esther is not one to cower.“Madonna is well aware of the kidnap threats but she is brave and even a little nonchalant when it comes to her own safety. Guy is seriously concerned and has made it clear that security has to be tightened, just to be on the safe side,” The Sun quoted a source, as saying.

Say what you will about Madonna…..talentless, publicity seeking, deluded, whore, but even I don’t think Madge would be "nonchalant" about the safety of her kids!? (I smell a publicity stunt and a bad one at that!)

Besides, pity the poor bastards who try and take her by force!

Lordy! Whatever next? Hezbollah plot to blow up Maria Carey.

Well I can dream can’t I?

More Rank & Bile

1 comment:

Simon Says said...

Ah bless Osama He's found the greatest love of all!