Screen Queen-Some of what I'm watching this Month

Happy Endings
SONY PICTURES HOME ENT. UK
Starring:Lisa Kudrow Steve Coogan Jesse Bradford Maggie Gyllenhaal Tom Arnold Jason Ritter Laura Dern David Sutcliffe Bobby Cannavale
Director:Don Roos
This comedic drama from writer-director Don Roos ('The Opposite Of Sex') comes packed with many unusual themes including abortion, homosexual parenting, teenage pregnancy, marrying for green cards, and the unscrupulous practice of bringing a client to orgasm at the conclusion of a massage.
My Thoughts
Lisa Kudrow The star of this unfortunate mess is most of the problem, her thoroughly un-likeable character leaves you totally indifferent to weather she has a happy ending or not. The excellent Maggie Gyllenhaal is wasted in a two dimensional gold digger part and the excellent Jason Ritter is used to little effect either. Whilst praise was heaped on Steve Coogan,when this film opened this years London Gay and lesbian Film festival. I found his portrayal of a gay man irritating. In fact I just found the whole thing dull clichéd and the end of the film found me far from happy!
** Stars

Flightplan (2005) DVD
Starring:Jodie Foster Peter Sarsgaard Sean Bean Kate Beahan Michael Irby Assaf Cohen Erika Christensen Shane Edelman Mary Gallagher Haley Ramm Forrest Landis
Director: Robert Schwentke
After 2002's Panic Room, Jodie Foster took a three year break before deciding to take another leading role in a major motion picture. Three years is a lifetime in Hollywood, but Foster is one of the few stars who can afford to take such a lengthy hiatus from the industry and still command major roles on her return.
My Thoughts
Well Jodie certainly wasn’t having surgery during her 3 yr absence ands Flightplan sees a haggard and pinched looking Foster in a somewhat implausible re working of The Lady Vanishes, only this time its on a plane and its her daughter who goes missing while everyone else just assumes its her marbles she’s missing. Veering between thriller and action movie this film just ended up being not very good at either. See you in another 3 years Jodie!
** Stars

Lucky Number Slevin (2006)
Starring:Bruce Willis Josh Hartnett Morgan Freeman Ben Kingsley Lucy Liu Stanley Tucci Rick Bramucci Kevin Chamberlin Oliver Davis Victorio Fodor Sam Jaeger Dorian Missick Shira Leigh Janet Lane
Director:Paul McGuigan
Bruce Willis and Morgan Freeman co-star in this drama about mobsters and the unwitting victim (Josh Hartnett) who winds up in the middle of a murder scheme. This film was originally screened at Sundance.
My Thoughts
Implausible but very slickly made thriller sees Josh Hartnett thrown into the seedy world of gangsters but is he as innocent as he appears. Bruce Willis for once underplaying is effective and Lucy Liu as the love interest make for a pretty good cast, the only slight annoyance is the somewhat clichéd caricature of a Jewish accent trotted out by Ben (sorry Sir Ben as he insists on being addressed and rather pompously billed) Kingsley. As is so often the case the director has assumed a slick script and plot make up for un-likeable characters and Josh Hartnett’s character just comes across as smug. That aside, it was nice to see Stanley Tucci in a great cameo role. Shame he doesn’t photograph better. I was lucky enough to be sitting a few feet from him in Hollywood once and I can tell you he is much more handsome in the flesh. All in all, a slick but not particularly likeable film.
** Stars
-------------------------------------------------------------------
* Star-Complete turkey
** Stars-Yawn! bit of a dud
*** Stars-Not bad, but no masterpiece
**** Stars-Definately worth watching
***** Stars-An instant classic

More Rank & Bile

Mariah Madness - Miss Scarey Strikes Again

Graham Norton today revealed more of the madness that is Mariah Carey! During a recent interview with Miss Scarey, Graham revealed, an assistantwho is employed just to hold her drink was on standby to ensure she never got thirsty. Not only did the assistant hold the drink between Mariah slurping but during, as apparently, Miss Scarey is too weak or lazy to hold her own cup! (Female First)

Well I guess its par for the course it wasn’t so long ago that another television host revealed that during an interview with mad Mariah she had an employee on standby whose only job was to take her gum when she had finished with it!

Further un-confirmed reports claim Mariah once employed someone to keep her skirts from touching the floor and another assistant to carry her when she was too tired to walk but what can you expect from a woman who has her people phone ahead to warn that “Maria doesn’t do stairs”!

Maybe if Mariah did do stairs, cup holding, walking and stairs occasionally her weight might not keep ballooning!

More Rank & Bile

This Months Must Have CD - Courtesy of You Tube

Meryl Wears Prada

I’m not entirely sure the casting of Meryl Streep is quite right but I’m definitely looking forward to the film version of The Devil Wears Prada, Lauren Weisberger’s comic novel based on her time as an assistant to Anna (nuclear) Wintour, the fur hag editor of Vogue, Anna is reported to be furious that the book has made it to the screen and saw to it that many fashion folk refused to help with the film for fear of incurring her wrath. So much so, that the film makers had to ensure the film version of Anna bore no resemblance to real life Anna for fear the Fashion Maven would sue the ass off them.


Hardly surprising Ms Wintour is pissed, the book portrayed her as a megalomaniac bordering on psychotic and presumably not only will the film be just as unflattering it will also reach a much wider audience.





Well! Meryl might not be obvious casting but my god she looks good! It seems only a short while ago when she was looking decidedly dog eared and podgy and now we see her sleek, thin and with great hair and only one chin again. Welcome back Meryl!

Click below to see more

More Rank & Bile

Ken Turn the Lights Out!

Recently my electricity supplier sent me a useful if thoroughly boring leaflet on how to save energy, this included such gripping suggestions as turning my heating down by a few degrees, not using the standby switch on my TV,not boiling a full kettle of water for one cup of tea and switching off lights etc etc. Now this is all very worthy stuff and as Vanity Fair urges us this month to go green I thought I should start doing my bit to cut emmissions and conserve energy.

So first things first I flip off the un-needed lights....thats odd the room is still light. Why? Well as I look out of the window I see the Gherkin, The Nat West Tower and several other city landmarks and it strikes me, it's 10pm and every bloody light is on in every bloody building! Now maybe I'm wrong but surely turning every light off in london after the workers go home is going to save just a little bit more energy than me only boiling half a kettle!


I know Londons skyline is real purtty after dark but isnt it time we put the enviroment first? Maybe Ken livingstomne would like to start by fining companies that leave their lights on all night? Not only could we conserve a lot of energy but we might actually stop the birds in my area singing at 2am because the light polllution is so bad it doesnt ever get properly dark!

Happy Birthday Barbra Streisand?

Poor old Babs Streisand obviously isn’t taking her birthday too well, the tantrum fuelled old Diva hit 64 a few days ago and if recent reports are to be believed it’s not put her in the best of moods.



Firstly she hit out at writer Christopher Anderson author of unofficial biography The way She Is, claiming the book…” is about no one I know.” I can t really blame Barbra I’m in the middle of this book and I have to say, its certainly not flattering in fact Barbra makes Saddam Hussein seem like Mother Theresa, if the book is to be believed.
Having just finished tearing Mr Anderson of a strip on her website, Barbara let rip at a fan next.

The fan in question was a sales rep at L.A.'s Pacific Design Centre, (CityRag) who had the audacity to tell La Streisand. "Omigod! You're my favourite all-time star. I have every movie you've ever made — and every recording! But, honey... those stretch-pants of yours are an absolute no-no!" as you can imagine after a week where she turned 64, a nasty old biography hit the best seller list and Liza Minnelli dubs her 3rd in the biggest Gay icon stakes after Cher and Liza, La Streisand was in no mood for fashion tips and screeched back at the startled fan "How dare you! Who are you to comment about what I wear?"

A case of birthday blues? Or is Babs just trying to up her gay Icon rating by indulging in Diva like antics. Either way probably best not to attack your gay fans especially one who has… “every movie you've ever made — and every recording!” Babs should count herself lucky the retail queen stopped with the stretch pants and didnt even get started on those awful off the shoulder sweaters she's so fond of!

More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Brooke Shields

This regular part of my blog is just a poor excuse to post my favourite funny/awful pictures of celebrities at their worst! Some are new and some are old favourites....enjoy!

Hmmm Pregnancy is supposed to make you radiant and glowing? This recent picture shows Brooke Shileds is the exception! Its bad enough she saddled her new baby with the name Grier Hammond Henchy but the poor thing will also have to look at that scary face peering over the side of its crib. First thing Brooke needs to do is explain that she's Mummy not Daddy!

More Rank & Bile

Freddie Ljungberg

The I Definately Would - Hunk of The Month


Yet another flimsy excuse to post pictures of my favourite totty!

Well I have no confess I know nothing about footballers but if they all look as good as this Months Attitude cover boy Freddie, I think I could definately learn to like football.






Whilst freddie has been wowing on the pitch for some time the first most of us non football fans noticed of him was his first Ad for Calvin Klein and what an Ad it was! Woof!

Since then even those of us completely baffled by the off side rule at least know that Freddie is the hottest thing in football and it seems Attitudes readers agree, voting him No1 Hunk in football, this month.







Freddie apparently plays for the aptly named Arsenal, any more like that in the team and we may have to get a season ticket!


See Freddie in some naked man on man action with a fan!

More Rank & Bile

Drama Queen- This Month's Theatre

So on Thurs off to see Ernesto Tomasini’s one man show THE VEILED SCREEN(A Secret History of Hollywood!) This clever piece portrayed the history of queer cinema from Allah Nazzimova’s, all gay, silent, production of Salome right up to last years Oscar winner Brokeback Mountain. In between, touching on, 40’s musicals, Doris Day Comedies, Horror and exploitation Films. Although it was undoubtedly a clever piece of theatre it was difficult to appreciate the show when you are sat in an audience of only 7 with the star and only performer less than 3 feet away! Even worse for my friend Michael who was dragged on stage to play a victim in the psycho pastiche, at one point I thought he might actually die but from embarrassment rather that at the hands of Norman Bates! With a bigger venue and more importantly a bigger audience I’m sure Mr Tomasini’s show would have been a triumph but when performed in the laps of an audience of 7 it doesn’t really work.

Find out more about Ernesto here

More Rank & Bile

Hide the Mars Bars!

So yesterday I popped along to my usual clinic to have a little more Clostridium botulinum bacterium shot into my face .....thats BOTOX® to you people. What!? You think I look this good naturally?!
I used to use a fabulous man in Harley St, who also worked on a couple of minor Royals and two pretty well known Australian singing sisters, but he was always so fully booked you couldnt get in, so I switched. I was beginning to think my current clinic was completely celebrity free till yesterday I spied a certain older 60's rock chick on her way in, although having had a good look at her Im not sure if she hasnt put me off BOTOX® for life!

More Rank & Bile

George Michael Blames Elton for all His Woes!

George Michael seems to be having a lot of bother with the boys in blue again lately. First George no stranger to trouble with the Police was found slumped in his car on a busy road near Hyde Park in London, he was said to be dazed and confused then last week he apparently shunted his car into several other parked cars near his home in Highgate.
What is George’s explanation for recent events, Temporary Insanity, Illness, Stress?


No, apparently George, on this weeks Parkinson show, blames all his troubles on Elton John!
Hmm time to check out of denial hotel George and admit that most of the crap going on in your life is because you spend 24/7 stoned out of your brain on skunk these days. Maybe if you laid off the weed your driving might get a bit better? Let’s face it the only thing Elton is guilty of is a complete lack of taste in clothes and hairpieces!

More Rank & Bile

Whitney in Re-Hab

According to reports It looks like Whitney Houston has finally seen sense and booked into rehab and that, a planned mass intervention by concerned friends and relatives Including Dionne Warwick, Cissy Houston, Chaka Khan and Aretha Franklin wasn’t necessary. (Pop Bytes)




Much as I like a good bit of gossip, I dont need to be seeing pictures of Whitneys drug strewn bathroom in my morning paper! apparently Whitney checked in without even telling her husband after the revelations in last weeks National Enquirer and Sun Newspaper.

I’m glad for her and hope she pulls it together if only for the sake of her (14 yr old) daughter. Who might stop posing for pictures like this if Mommy gets better!

More Rank & Bile

Tomkitten Suri Has Landed/Arrived

Poor old Brooke Shields she goes on TV to talk about post natal depression only to have Tom Cruise steal her thunder by criticising her in public, then she joyously announces the birth of her second child, the somewhat strangely named Grier Hammond Henchy. Only to have Mr Cruise steal her thunder again with the arrival of TomKitten!

Tomkat as Tom and Katie have been dubbed by the US press gave birth to the TomKitten yesterday and the news was broken by People Magazine. Lets hope Katie gets to keep the Baby as US Tabloid The star seem pretty certain Tom will snatch the baby as soon as it arrives. (shades of jacko there?)


Well I’m just glad it’s all
over and I won’t have to see another picture of Katie with a bowling ball strapped to her stomach! What was she carrying in there for goodness sake, the alien baby and the mother ship? Nor will I have to read any more nonsense about Tom eating the placenta and weird scientology birthing procedures ewwww.

I guess we have about a weeks breathing space before the baby pictures start, after all Tom is now a proud biological father so he must be straight……yeah right!

More Rank & Bile

Paris Hilton Ad - That's Hot

Well much as I hate Parasite Hilton, I have to admit (shock horror!) the ads for her new perfume, that are currently plastered all over the UK, make her look pretty darned good! Who knew she could actually look kinda pretty as opposed to just totally slutty!







...... Obviously putting your name to a scent doesnt pay that well though, as it appears the poor little rich girl is forced to share clothes with her sister


As always click for larger images

More Rank & Bile

Culture Queen-The National Portrait Gallery Exhibitions

So off to the National Portrait Gallery today, where they are currently celebrating their 150th anniversary, to see two exhibitions.

Icons and Idols

Which explores the gallery’s commissioned works over the last 25 years. Since 1980 The Gallery has commissioned 130 works in hugely differing styles, mediums and subjects and this exhibition shows the vision and diversity of the Gallery and makes you understand why The NPG is one of London’s greatest treasures. The exhibition features work by artists including David Hockney and R.B Kitaj and offers a variety of sitters from the more formal portraits of Politicians and Royalty to a film installation of David Beckham. This truly is an eclectic mix and testament to the Gallery’s ongoing efforts to capture the great and the good of this country for posterity whilst championing some of our great talents at the same time.


Andy Warhol – 10 Portraits of Jews of the 20th Century

Warhol first exhibited this collection in 1980, at that time the title caused some controversy and will probably do so again. The 10 portraits in question Sarah Bernhardt, Louis Brandeis, the first Jewish judge to be appointed to the Supreme Court of the United States; Martin Buber; Albert Einstein, Sigmund Freud, the Marx Brothers, Golda Meir, George Gershwin, Franz Kafka and Gertrude Stein are a strange mix of over achievers across numerous fields whose only link is that they were all Jewish and by 1980 also deceased. There's a feeling of déjà vu seeing these pictures, some of which as stock photographs, are instantly recognisable, but given a new lease of life with vibrant colours, they become recognisable but also very new and fresh. As to what Warhol was trying to say it appears people were at a loss in 1980 and none the wiser now. I do wonder though if the exhibition would have been half as controversial if Warhol had titled and populated it with 10 portraits of Catholics or Christians? Probably not and that may have been exactly what he intended.

You Were Never Fuglier - Lisa Kudrow

This regular part of my blog is just a poor excuse to post my favourite funny/awful pictures of celebrities at their worst! Some are new and some are old favourites....enjoy!


Lisa’s show The Comeback got axed. Could it be anything to do with the fact, as this recent picture shows, she now looks like a séance is required rather than a comeback? Sort it out Lisa or there's not going to be any more comebacks for you!

More Rank & Bile

Old Queen From Windsor Celebrates Birthday

So this week sees two old Queens both (originally) from Windsor celebrating their birthdays. One, is the internationally acclaimed author of the blog, Rank and Bile, the other doesn’t really have a proper job.


Their lives are very different, whilst one travels in style the other gets the tube, whilst one gossips with the girls the other never would. When it comes to decorum only one of them has perfect manners in public and while one tends to look glum all the time the other is a bit of a giggler!

As, year in year out, one of the Queens from Windsor is always overshadowed by the other, I thought it might be nice to post a birthday message for her so she is not eclipsed again this year.

So Happy Birthday Queen Elizabeth!

Which Is The Real Christina Aguilera?

Hmmmm whats with the gaping mouth in every picture lately Christina? Or did we miss something, has someone exchanged Christina for a blow up doll while we werent looking?















More Rank & Bile

Kylie's Back

Two really great performers (and personal favourites of mine) have been touched by cancer recently. Whilst Kylie Minogue released pictures on her website yesterday Kylie.com of her new cropped hair, (post Chemo) which show she is well on the way to recovery. She looks great and is obviously very happy.












Sadly in The US, June Pointer, the youngest of the US group The Pointer Sisters, lost her battle with cancer at the age of only 52. BBCNews Obituary.

The 20th London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival

My friend Glyn and I went to see the film Boy Culture on the last night of the LLGFF (London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival) more about the film in a moment but firstly a little about this years Festival.
Maybe it’s a sign of old age but I find it increasingly difficult to excuse poor service and bad organization just because it happens to be for a “good cause” I’ve always supported the festival and this year marks its 20th anniversary which is a great achievement…. But I this years line up of films was pretty weak and much as I like films like Auntie Mame, (1958) Johnny Guitar (1954) and Calamity Jane (1953) I’m not sure they belong at the festival, in all there were over a dozen old pictures being shown along with screenings of contemporary films which have already received a mainstream releases or were a few years old.

It would have been far better to screen the newer works more times, than “pad out” the festival with old chestnuts like these. I also get increasingly frustrated with their website which makes booking difficult and the fact that many of the most popular films sell out too quickly but when you get there you find many of the tickets were complimentary and people don’t show up. Last night I attended a “sell out” performance and had six empty seats next to me. My friend who accompanied me last night admitted he had attended several complimentary screenings and not sat through the entire film for any of them, meanwhile people wanting to attend (and pay) are turned away.
Surely the idea is to bring new works to as wide an audience as possible? Let’s hope next years festival addresses these issues.
Ok Gripe over, onto the film…..

Boy Culture
Directed by:Q Allan Brocka
With:Patrick Bauchan, Derek Magyar, Darryl Stephens
Country:USA
Year of Production:2006
Running Time:85 minutes

This is gay life as it is so often stereotyped, but cut through with real heart, intelligence and emotional integrity. Boy Culture turns you on, makes you think about your own relationships and leaves you with a smile on your face.

My Thoughts
I really like this film it had a tightly crafted funny script that with the exception of about 10 minutes in the middle kept up a cracking pace without trivialising the characters or glossing over the situations. The cast especially Derek Magyar as X were exceptionally good and the "family" they portrayed were believable and honestly drawn characters. The happy ending the audience had been rooting for all along made for a really enjoyable film that left me feeling good and more importantly entertained me. I f I had one gripe it would be the somewhat poor sound but it was a minor point. So it’s not Visconti, but its fun and it works.
*** Stars

Janet Jackson Disappears!

Did the Hippo get Lipo? Or has she found a miracle diet and an amazing trainer? Who Knows? What we do know is......
In February we commented on the alarming amount of weight gained by Janet "Wardrobe Malfunction" Jackson. Well thanks to the, I have an album out soon diet, Miss Jackson has shed enough fat to make another member of the jackson clan!



More Rank & Bile

You Were Never Fuglier - Hilary Clinton

This regular part of my blog is just a poor excuse to post my favourite funny/awful pictures of celebrities at their worst! Some are new and some are old favourites ....enjoy!


Hilary you look like you've just spotted Laura Bush!
Sweetie its not a very presidential look!

More Rank & Bile

Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward

This Months Queens of Camp Hall of Fame Inductee


1960’s puppet show Thunderbirds most fabulous character was undoubtedly Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward. The Thunderbirds London Agent assisted by her trusty butler, Parker, she added a hugely camp element to the show. Not least because of her heavily armed Pink Rolls Royce.
Her official biography reads:
Born on December 24th, 2039, Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward is the 26 year old daughter of aristocrat Sir Hugh Creighton-Ward International Rescue's London Agent, a key part of the organisation's network of undercover agents. Working from her stately home at Foxleyheath in rural Southern England, Lady Penelope appears to those ignorant of her secret life to be just as much a member of the English landed gentry as is expected of a woman in her position. But with her cool poise and nerves of steel, Lady Penelope has proven time and again to be an invaluable addition to the International Rescue team.

Lady Penelope with her glamorous wardrobe and elegant cigarette holder would prove a role model to gays and girls alike throughout the late 1960’s As well as the tv series she appeared in the big screen adaptation and in print.
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward Queen of Camp we salute you!

Click here for more Queens of Camp
See Lady Penelope in action below

More Rank & Bile