Hell Hath No Fury Like Liza Scorned

David Gest is turning out to be a somewhat unlikely favourite in the reality show “I’m a celebrity get me out of here”

But whilst the British public may slowly be thawing toward the unusual looking Gest, his ex- wife Liza Minnelli is most definitely not!

A friend of Liza’s told The Sun: "She was sobbing that he deserves to be eaten alive by crocs or f****d by kangaroos. Liza goes from wishing him dead from spider stings to hoping he abandons the show and flies home to beg forgiveness.

She still has extreme feelings for Gest from a teary 'come home, baby!' to ranting 'Die in a plague of pus-oozing boils!"

Sounds like the producers need to get Liza thinking up his next Bush Tucker trial!

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Crazy Cruise's Fake Wedding

Well the Crazy Cruises finally tied the knot on Saturday, despite Katie looks of desperation from the windows of Odescalchi Castle in Italy, the pair were wed in a scientology service later that day.

The guest list comprised tout Hollywood’s scientology set including, Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, Kirstie Allie and Mr & Mrs John Travolta.

Other non scientology hangers on Chris Henchy, Victoria Beckham (who looked like dressed for a funeral), Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, and Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy even a somewhat apprehensive looking Brooke Shields was seen arriving.

Not really a star turn out considering tom’s position in Hollywood, in fact it all smacked somewhat of rent a crowd. Which is somewhat appropriate as it now emerges it was all just for show anyway.

The Mayor of Bracciano, said the couple would have needed to have a civil ceremony in town in order to make it legal. Tom & Katie were in fact married in the US before even leaving for Italy and it wasn’t just the ceremony that was fake either, it appears the wedding pictures aren’t exactly the real McCoy unless that is, Katie was stood in hole? Somehow Munchkin Tom actually looked taller than his wife in the official wedding shot!

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Mass Hysteria Amongst Show Tunes Fans As Carol Channing Accused Of Homophobia

Mass hysteria broke out amongst show tune fans this week after Broadway Legend Carol Channing was accused of making an anti gay remark in an interview. Carol when asked about her legions of gay fans reportedly told the Gay People's Chronicle:

"I don't think about them. I'm grateful that they seem to like me. They're terribly loyal to me. But I'm knee-deep in the Bible, and you know what it says about that."

These remarks seemed to be a distinct departure from her earlier public declarations of support for her gay fan base and her many appearances at Aids charity events.

Luckily some semblance of order was restored, before musical theatre fans became too hysterical or issued a gay fatwah (fagwah) on the 85 year old, after Carol’s publicist released a statement claiming she had been mis-quoted and claimed the writer was "clearly trying to bash an Icon and make a name for himself."

Channing's publicist says that the writer mangled the quote and left out a key word to make it look like the performer was anti-gay: "With reference to the Bible - she said about gay marriage 'You know what the Bible says about it ... Nothing."

Meanwhile the Gay People's Chronicle is sticking to its story and musical theatre Queens are already dubbing the incident Channing gate!

Personally I find it hard to believe that she is anti gay especially considering she was married to one for 42 years! but given that Carol is clearly as mad as a box of frogs she could have said anything!

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Boos All Round At The World Music Awards

Little Lindsay Ho Han got a less than rapturous reception at Last night’s World Music Awards Lindsay who was hosting the awards was met with loud boos every time she appeared on stage and then proceeded to fall down a set of back stage stairs, bruised and battered by both the fall and the crowd Lindsay beat a hasty retreat and gave up as host half way through the event.

If you thought Ho-han got a rough ride it was nothing compared to the night’s headliner Michael Jackson.



Despite costing the organisers a whopping £300,000 for just one song, Wacko dressed in what looked like one of La Toya’s old wigs and some very dodgy slap, warbled his way through one line of “We are the world” badly off key and left the rest of the song to a bunch of very brave children who volunteered to share the stage with him.

Given that some fans had queued all night one line wasn’t going to cut it and he was loudly booed by the disappointed fans.

Considering the quality of his performance I think he was lucky to get out alive!

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London Invaded By Plague Of Un-Wanted Visitors

Londoners are afraid to go out at the moment as a nasty plague of air heads, heiresses and tabloid whores seems to have descended on the capital. These pests known as Lohans, Hiltons Beyonce’s and Simpsons are everywhere and Londoners are advised to avoid them at all costs as many of them carry nasty diseases.

Scientists believe these creatures have been drawn to London from their native habitat of North America by a freak phenomena that takes place every few years at Earls Court (The World Music Awards) and by the presence in the capital of their Queen Bee (Wacko Jacko) who landed last week and built a nest at the Hempel Hotel, even the Royal Premiere of Casino Royale wasn’t safe as Dame Judi Dench found to her cost on Tuesday, when one of the nasty invaders buzzed around her as she stood on the red carpet.

Luckily Dame Judi managed to remain serene as always despite the attack. Experts warn the creatures are strangely drawn to glitter and lights especially at night and Londoners are advised to be extra vigilant in these kinds of areas.

The good news is that experts predict that as soon as the Queen Bee begins her migration the other minor drones will follow suit and London will be pest free again.

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K Fed Taking The Break -Up Well

Us magazine reports that dumped loser K Fed left his ex wife a “love note” written on the shower door of his dressing room shower, following a gig at the House of Blues in Chicago. The note read:

Today I’m a free man
Ladies look out
F--k a wife
Give me my kids B-tch!
--Kevin Federline

Hmm nice grammer! Whilst I’m not in the least surprised at this somewhat tacky gesture from grimy, loser, K Fed, I am totally shocked by the news that K fed has actually been somewhere near a shower at any point in his life!

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Victoria Beckham - Doesn't Eat - Go Figure!

Posh has revealed the secrets of her skeletal frame apparently emaciated spice “doesn’t eat”… no surprise there then!

According to Page Six, "Victoria maintains her tiny frame because she only permits herself to snack - not eat - on edamame, pretzels and occasionally sushi."

Apparently stick insect Posh has also told friends she hasn't drunk water in years because she "hates the taste." Instead she sticks to Diet Coke.

Hmm it probably helps bring up the pretzels, soya and sushi better!

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The Egos Have Landed

The circus has hit town in Rome, as Short Ass and Dead Eyes or as we like to call them; The Crazy Cruises, touched down in Rome ahead of their wedding on 18^th November. The motley assortment of loonies that comprisis their entourage, included, Suri and Tom's adopted children Connor and Isabella. (so that makes all 3 of the children he hasn’t fathered!)

For those who care, Armani will be designing The Zombie Katie’s dress and The Munchkin Tom’s tux and surprise, surprise, a whole bunch of other Scientology crazies are flying in for the nuptials, including, Leah Remini, Kirstie Alley, Jenna Elfman, John Travolta, Kelly Preston, and Priscilla and Lisa Presley.

Expect plenty of slobbering between Tom & Katie, a la David Gest, at his equally fake marriage to Liza Minnelli. At least Andrea Bocelli who is reportedly booked to sing, won’t have to witness that particularly gross spectacle!

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Reality Show Hell

Reality show madness is upon us, first poor little Ms Dynamite ended up being airlifted to hospital after racing driving, reality show, “The Race” saw her injured in a 100mph crash....Ouch!

But even worse the contestants of “I’m a celebrity get me out of here” which starts tonight, are not only going to have to endure 3 weeks in the jungle and all manner of ghastly bush-tucker trials, they are going to have to live with über slimeball David Gest in their midst!

Given the choice I’d take the car wreck any day!

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Battle Of the Divorces - Kevin & Heather - How Low Can They Go?

Well in the ugly divorce ratings, The Federlines and The McCartneys are running neck and neck.

First comes the news that K fed has demanded from Britney, a whopping £16million pay off and custody of their children Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Britney may have a cast iron pre-nup but K Fed claims to have a tape of him and his ex wife having sex and is threatening to sell it to the highest bidder if his terms aren’t met…..classy K Fed Classy!

Meanwhile over the pond, Sir Paul McCartney is trying to do a Madonna and buy a baby, only this time the baby in question is his! Paul has offered hop-a-long, ho, Heather a whopping £20million for custody of daughter Beatrice on top of an £80 million pound divorce settlement just to get rid of the poisonous witch.

And to think the papers accused her of being a cheap ho….£100 million is not what I call cheap!

Paul has also apparently had Heather digitally erased from his new documentary, what a shame getting rid of her in real life isn’t as easy!

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One's Mother Is Not Amused!

Oops! poor old Prince Charles, having been made to attend the inteminably long and dull remembrance (poppy) services for Britain's war dead yesterday, the solemn occasion proved to be just a bit to much of a bore for him and the old boy nodded off!

Unfortunately for him just as his eyes closed and his chin hit his chest his mother happened to glance sideways, the result was one of her famous glares, (worse still caught on camera) HM Queen was obviously not amused. I suspect someone was well and truly in the corgi house when they got home!

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Kylie's Back On Stage After 18 Months And Better Than Ever

Kylie Minogue made a triumphant comeback after her battle with cancer last night. On the first concert of her revived Showgirl Tour which was cancelled after she was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, she wowed the crowds back home in Australia and will play a further 20 gigs there before returning to the UK to play London.

I was lucky enough to catch the last show in London before the tour was cancelled and it was absolutely brilliant!

Last night she looked and sounded better than ever. Welcome back Kylie!

For BBC Coverage and clips of last nights concert click here

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Madonna The Queen Of Pop And The Original Dancing Queens To Work Together

According to The Sun newspaper Madge is going to work with ABBA legends Agnetha Faltskog and Frida Lyngstad on tracks for her new album.

Abba fan Esther is deep in discussions with the pair about recording together on her follow-up to Confessions On A Dance Floor album. And even though Agnetha has lived like a virtual recluse becoming the Garbo of pop and Frida hung up her high-heeled platform shoes years ago — they have agreed to go into the studio.

“Madonna was the driving force behind the idea because she was so happy with her sample of Gimme Gimme Gimme on Hung Up and “Agnetha and Frida loved it,” as well.

The Sun revealed they will write and record together as soon as Madge, her producing partner Stuart Price and the ex Abba girls are all free. Madonna has also provided a message on the sleevenotes for the Swedish supergroup’s Greatest Hits, CD which is out now. She wrote: “Abba’s timeless music continues to inspire me. It’s joyous. Standing still when you hear Abba is impossible”

Fantastic 3 clapped out old has-beens for the price of one, we can’t wait!

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You Were Never Fuglier - Victoria Beckham

Poor Old Victoria Beckham pictured here leaving the Hempel Hotel in London earlier this week.

It seems the paparazzi caught her at the precise moment she realised her stylist had put her in an old potato sack instead of a frock!

Amazingly she's actually worn this monstrosity before, in Paris, to much derision and still her stylist let her out in it again.

Some people never learn it seems!


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R.I.P. Jack Palance

Hollywood tough guy Jack Palance has passed away at the age of 87, in his long career he earned Academy Award nominations for "Sudden Fear" and "Shane," and finally captured an Oscar almost 40 years later for his portrayal of the crusty trail boss in the 1991 comedy Western "City Slickers," Surely one of Hollywood's greatest comebacks?

He also stole the show at the 1992 Oscars by doing one handed push ups just to prove he still could! Billy Crystal, his “City Slickers” co-star and that year's Oscar host, turned the moment into a running joke, making increasingly outlandish remarks about Palance's physical prowess throughout the show.

For me his greatest performance was in Sudden fear menacing Joan Crawford as his authoress wife and let's face it anyone who can put make audiences believe Crawford was the one being terrorised has gotta be a great actor especially as this was during her hair like concrete, mouth in a sneer "dont fuck with me fellas" period.

So a fond farewell Jack, we'll miss that craggy old face.

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Pete Doherty & Kate Moss - There Goes The Neighborhood Again

Despite the best efforts of the Metropolitan Police, my neighbourhood in London has been plagued by prostitutes and junkies of late, they hang around the streets near my home and generally make life miserable for the local residents, its becoming a real nuisance. What’s even more annoying is that they turn up, just as you think they are safely off lowering the tone in another un-suspecting neighbourhood..... like the Serpentine Gallery.

Pete Doherty and Kate Moss arrived at the 90 yrs of “Vogue” party at The Serpentine Gallery the other night, only to leave after 15 minutes and a couple of photo ops.

They then headed for my local pub, The Golden Hart in Spitalfields before going on to 93 East in Brick Lane just 2 mins walk away. This isn’t the first time the pair have eschewed West End glamour for the delights of the East End. Last week Kate missed her own award as Model of The year in favour of a night out in Shoreditch.

Any more of this and property prices in this area are going to plummet faster than Pete’s career!

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Nicole Richie - So Much For Re-Hab

Just when we thought Nicole Richie might be on the road to recovery, it all appears to have gone horribly wrong, her short lived spell in re-hab (for her weight problems) seems to be well and truly over.

She was out partying last weekend and apparently collapsed at nightspot Hyde then this week not only was she out and about partying again, this time at a dinner sponsored by Channel on Tuesday, she was back in the company of her crystal meth dealer stylist Rachel Zoe!

Doesn’t look like she’s gonna be piling on the pounds any time soon.

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Dame Shirley Bassey Gets The Party Started

British retailer Marks and Spencer just launched their James Bond inspired Christmas ad, as well as their stable of regular models including 60's icon twiggy,this years ad features the one and only Dame Shirley Bassey.

The Tigress from Tiger bay is seen belting (as only she can) her way through Pink's "Get this party started" Just goes to show, she may be 70 in January but you can't keep a good Diva down!


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Did Britney Dump K Fed By Text? Lets Hope So!

At last! Britney spears has finally filed for divorce from her loser husband and just in the nick of time, apparently Britney chose the date very carefully to avoid paying hubby more under the pre-nup agreement. One more anniversary and the idiot gets a higher pay out!

Poor old K fed better get some work and fast, with his new album failing to set the charts alight with its Number 151 debut that’s not gonna make him much money. To make matters worse Britney has a cast iron pre-nup which guarantees Kevin will not get his hands on her millions.

Now we know why Britney has been looking so much better lately! Best of all if the report below is to be believed Britney dumped the loser by text! Even better she did it after he’d been singing her praises and calling her his biggest fan on a TV show! Classy Britney Classy!

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Madonna Thinks She's Above The Law Everywhere

Whether its Malawian adoption laws or New York traffic laws it seems Madge thinks she’s above it all.

The New York times recently reported that during her adoption publicity jaunt in NY, Esther instructed her drivers to leave the “paparazzi in the dust” as a result her drivers have been speeding, using fake police lights and sirens doing illegal U turns and ran at least 40 red lights in 4 days!

Let’s hope little David wasn’t on board!

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No Prestige For Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johannson is not having a good week fist she was pictured at the London premiere of her new film “Prestige” wearing quite possibly the most hideous frock of her career topped off with a kind of pink hair rinse.

Lord knows what her stylist was thinking? She looks fat and lumpy and the rinse makes her look like a 50yr old Palm Springs matron.

As if that wasn’t bad enough rumours are circulating like wildfire that there is a Scarlett sex tape.

The audio tape allegedly made when Johansson forgot to remove her mike whilst filming and gave sound technicians a 12 minute performance as she got hot and heavy with an unnamed man in a car.

Still, all publicity is good publicity and Scarlett’s new film is currently top of the box office in the US.

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Imelda Marcos - Designer Dictator!

Seems you can’t keep a good dictator down, Imelda Marcos, notorious for her extensive shoe collection and eye-popping jewels is back! And she's launching a jewellery collection!

Her daughter, Imee Marcos, said that unknown to many people, her mother shops for trinkets and accessories at flea markets (for flea markets read Asprey, Tiffany and Cartier!), and keeps earrings with a missing pair or brooches that have some missing stones. Using a glue gun, scissors or pliers, her mother "can combine them with her vintage items in a way that comes out beautiful,"

"The Imelda Collection," is to be launched on an un-suspecting public Nov. 18 in Manila. The first designs are only for jewellery and will "not yet" include shoes, her daughter said. But an aide said there are plans to expand the collection to include shoes, clothes and possibly furniture.

I’m sure she’s building the sweatshops as we speak! Watch out Joan Rivers looks like you’ve got competition in the white trash jewellery stakes!

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A Few Of My Favourite Things - Dynasty

No not raindrops on roses or whiskers on kittens! This monthly random post is about some of my favourite things. Some I'm passionate about others just tickle my fancy and make me laugh.

I’m currently wading my way through all nine seasons of iconic 80’s TV show Dynasty, (I’m up to season 6 already and totally addicted!) The story of simple Denver oil billionaires and I’d forgotten just what delicious nonsense it was!

From its somewhat drab and almost “realistic” beginnings in season one, to the complete absurdity of the final seasons it’s a roller-coaster of camp madness.

The show didn’t really come into its own until the arrival of Joan Collins as Alexis Morrel Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan, in season two and then there was no stopping it! And it wasn’t just our Joanie who livened things up, everyone from Henry Kissinger, President Gerald Ford, George Hamilton and Rock Hudson guest starred at some point.

The budget may have been a million dollars an episode but they obviously only spent about $5 on the scripts and the plots are hilarious high drama, from alien abduction, catfights, long lost relative, Royal Wedding massacres and Krystle’s double replacing her for months un-noticed.

The characters all suffered ludicrously but my god suffering never looked so good, thanks to Nolan Millers extravagant clothes. Like the 80’s itself, it’s a testament to shoulder pads, money, greed and glitz and mores the pity, they don’t make em like that anymore.

Right I’m off! I have to find out if Dex and Alexis succeed in a two person guerrilla raid on Moldavia to rescue the King…travelling by the Colbyco jet of course!

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Absent Madonna Gets A Roasting At The MTV Awards

Madonna’s baby problems show no signs of abating and are now providing fodder to the comics and her critics alike.

First the MTV awards saw a hilarious Madge parody by Avid Merrion dressed as Esther and surrounded by dancing “babies”

He told the audience “I’m getting too old for this s***.

I’ve been getting a lot of hoo-ha from the press recently just because I bought a baby. But I’m Madonna. If I want to buy a baby I buy a flipping baby.”

Then Borat waded in attempting to offer to sell a baby to Madonna!

Even worse than the comics jibes Madonna herself seems to making the problem worse, on yet another interview this time with Dateline, Madge admitted her shortcomings as a parent:

"I have to be mom and wife and there are times when I should have, you know, hung out with my kids, and I just said, "No, I need a massage. I'm gonna do that instead. You know? And I'm gonna be selfish."

Asked if the children complained, Madonna said: "Yeh. Definitely. Especially my oldest daughter…and you know, my son would say, 'How much longer is this gonna go on for? I mean, when are you gonna just be home?"

When the interviewer pointed out: "Well, you could be home like that, if you wanted to. You've made all the money you ever need to make. You've got a nice life."

Madonna agreed, "Uh-huh," but added: "Well, I obviously I have things I want to say and accomplish... Just staying home and looking after my children and being a mother and a wife is not what I want. I want more”

So basically she’s saying she’s a selfish parent, never there and doesn’t want to just be a mom! Nice move Madge!

She really needs to get off the chat show circuit, go home and just shut up now! She’s just making it a whole lot worse!

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Kate Moss is Voted Druggie ... Erm Sorry Model Of The Year

Just over a year ago Kate Moss’s career looked like it might be headed down the toilet. Pictures of her snorting cocaine with her junkie boyfriend Pete Doherty started a media frenzy that saw may of her lucrative contracts cancelled. But Kate has clawed her way back to the top with no less than 14 major campaigns this season, culminating with her award as Model of The Year, this week, at the glittering, British Fashion Awards in London.

The Fashion World are a forgiving lot and you’d think a grateful Kate would be keen to thank everyone for their support over the last year…..hmm maybe not! Kate didn't turn up for the awards.

Probably she was abroad or off on a shoot somewhere? Err well actually no! Kate just couldn't be bothered to show up, she and boyfriend Pete took in a show at the Barbican then went for dinner just down the road at St Johns in Shoreditch. (see pics on the right)

The fashion world may be a forgiving lot when it comes to her little drug episodes and loser boyfriend but they may not be so forgiving of that little slap in the face. At the awards, the word on many people’s lips was “un-grateful”

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Dnaiel Radcliffe Play - Publicity Posters Go Up

Here’s Harry Potter as you’ve never seen him before! This summer it was announced Daniel Radcliffe is going to star in his debut on the West End stage in Peter Shaffer's masterpiece Equus and now the posters are up, showing Daniel’s torso cleverly combined with the head of a horse.

Daniel will appear naked in the play, about a young man's attack on horses and a psychiatrist's attempt to explain them.

I wonder what his legions of Harry Potter fans will make of that!

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You Were Never Fuglier - John Travolta

Lordy! John Travolta has definately run to seed.


But even more alarming than the site of his waist which is spreading faster than Paris Hilton's crabs, is the sight of John in drag!

Now at this point I should point out this is a picture of John from his new movie Hairspray, directed by John waters, in which he plays the part of Edna Turnblad made famous by drag queen Divine and despite the fact he looks like he's having a gay old time in drag this is not a candid picture of John relaxing at home!

Whatever you may have heard!

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You Tube Favourite - Bette Davis Sings!

You Tube is a bloggers dream especially when you can't be bothered to post much! There are some real gems on there so I thought I'd post my favourite each month. This months favourite is a clip of the incomparable Bette Davis singing on The Andy Williams Show...See why Bette never ventured into musicals!



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Does Anyone Have A Good Word To Say About Heather Hopalong McCartney?

It seems in the Mucky Macca divorce, Team Heather is falling way behind in the celebrity support stakes. First not surprisingly Stella McCartney had a pop at old hop along claiming “I can't believe what she's doing, I'm going to kill her, she's been a manipulative cow from day one” shortly afterwards Kate Moss claimed accusations made by heather against Paul are “utter b******t”.

Then this week Jonathan Ross called her a big old liar adding “We’ll probably find out she had 2 legs all along” to much laughter at the comedy awards.

Its not just celebrities who are attacking her either, following her threat to sue them, The sun newspaper is now waging war on the one legged gold digger pointing out her prostitute past, and her many lies. They accompanied their attack with this amusing questionnaire

Heather needs to realise the best way for her to get a decent pay out is lay low and shut her big lying mouth and definitely not try and go to battle with two of Britain’s cherished icons, Sir Paul McCartney and the Sun Newspaper! Much more of this muck slinging and she’ll be lucky to get a penny!

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Madonna's Baby World Tour Reaches The US

Madge has been doing the rounds of the talk shows trying to diffuse the PR disaster that the Malawian leg of her world tour has become and she’s got all guns blazing, first she has attempted to smear the Baby’s father, presumably because his story is inconveniently, not matching hers.

Madge claims the boy’s family never visited him in the orphanage, that the father abandoned the boy to pursue a new woman and that he refused money from her to help support David himself.

Given that everything Madonna utters is written about ad nauseam. That’s not gonna make nice reading for young David when he gets older!

Madge also claims that people who have opposed the adoption are racist!

Come off it Esther! It’s nothing to do with racism people oppose the adoption because you didn’t meet the criteria for adoption in the US or UK so you went to Malawi, broke all their adoption laws, bought a baby and took him out of the country before he was legally yours.

Then when you should be spending time bonding with the boy and helping him adjust to his new home and family you dress him up in Nikes, stick a Kabalah bracelet on him and schlep him across the Atlantic while you embark on a publicity tour of all the top talk shows!

Mommie Dearest needs to realise doing the talk show circuit is definitely not the best way to prove you didn’t adopt/buy a baby for publicity purposes!

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